Ditto what cobra said. A good example is dealing with an alcoholic. At some point you have to pull back and realize that his/her drinking is not about you. It's the A's problem and the A must deal with it. So you have to detach. Even though, clearly, their drinking DOES affect you and your life. You have to step back, first, to save your own sanity, and second, so they can see that the problem is not coming from you.
The A tends to think, "My drinking is only a problem for YOU. If you'd leave me alone, there would be no problem."
That's another way of saying, "That's just the way I am. I can't change."
When you back out of trying to get them to stop drinking, then any bad consequences from drinking clearly have not been caused by you. Some people never get there.
