I wasn't trying to make anything too deep of this, just saying that social workers, or even teachers for that matter, can get very attached to the troubled kids they work with. But too much attachment does not help those kids. They need steady boundaries and an adult who will not react to their outbursts.
A dysfunctional marriage is the same sort of thing. Enmeshment causes reactive responses, such as throwing the dagger back, yelling, passive aggressive behavior, etc. But all these actions are meant to do one thing, and that is to maintain a dysfunctional connection through such inappropriate behavior. That is the only way the dysfunctional spouse has ever known to interact with others.
As soon as the spouse responds to these provocations, a retaliation occurs and the cycle starts up. My point is that I think Heywire's H could be reacting a lot like this so it is important to break the cycle. I think her H could be acting a lot like a victim.
In fact, I think Heywire is a victim too, otherwise she would not had put up with him for such a long time and through so many repeated incidents, in spite of any children. Isn't she condemning his actions in word but condoning them by her lack of action?
