HBT - Isn't it funny that we devoted our lives to our families and it turns out to bite us in the butt?
Originally Posted By: hanginbyathred
I want my h to realize what a mistake he's making!
It is no different than dealing with an alcoholic...you can tell them ten times over that they have a problem, but until they admit it AND want to get help, there is nothing you can do. Nothing. You can not make your H do anything - you cannot think for him, you can not make him feel a certain way...nothing. This is his issue - he has to deal with it. And he won't deal with it in the way that you want him to - he will deal with it his way. While he is dealing with it, you need to deal with you. Just like you can't fix him, he can't fix you. This is your responsibility. You may not have thought that you were broken, but I realize now that I was paying so much attention to my family and completely ignoring me. I lost me. My activities, my wants, my wishes took a back seat to everyone elses. TI was always someone's wife or mother. I wasn't me. And while I didn't mind this, I am now understanding that this onesidedness isn't healthy. Make a list of 25 things that you want to do in your life. Take a look at the list - what have you accomplished on it? Not much, I bet. I had trouble making the list. I can come up with about 7 items - I don't think that that is good.
I understand that you don't want to do it this way. Neither do I. I am having trouble accepting that my H is a quitter and that he can so easily walk away from a long history of "us." Unfortunately, I recognize that I can't change his mind (or whatever there is left of it) - I don't have that power. So I have no choice but to deal with it this way. I think it is pathetic and cowardly on his part, but I am determined to deal with it with dignity and grace. Sinmply because he has lost his mind and common sense doesn't mean that I have to lose mine too. Although, admittedly, there are many times when I think I will lose it, have lost it or am in the process of losing it. I think it is all part of the process.
I'm glad you are rambling here - better with us than with him. Unfortunately, I don't know that there are answers or solutions for him - if there are, he has to find them. Don't try and figure out the answers or solutions to his problems - it is an impossible task and will drive you insane. Again, focus on you - it is so important that you do this. It is hard because you are not used to doing it and you feel that you are in a crisis situation. But it is critical that you start to take the steps to do this.
Now if only I could follow all of this advice......
