Cobra - you talk about an abused child and how they need to overcome the past memories and build trust in the new relationship, plus learn "new behaviours" - what if that child (i.e. my H) doesn't think he needs to learn new behaviours? and thinks he is just fine the way he is. How do you "focus on the pain within the child" and help them to see their actions are a reflection of that pain and to get "past it"?
Before I answer this, imagine that you take all that you describe as your H and place it into a trouble 10 year old boy. How would you handle that? How would you teach such a child to learn to be responsible for his own actions and to respect boundaries, to focus on his own pain? This is not a trick question. It is fairly simple and I am sure you have the answers within you.
