How do you come to KNOW that you are desirable, f*ckable, sexy, wonderfully sexual etc? If you grew up alone, in a cave, would you know this to be the case, or is it only through the feedback and admiration of the opposite sex that you come to know this? Doesn't your confidence of your desirability come from the attractions with boys that you have as a youth?
I have a certain amount of confidence in my sexual behavior due to my life experience, just like I have a certain amount of confidence as a swimmer because I've been swimming since I was a toddler, but that's not what I'm talking about.
Imagine two identical women. One truly wants sex. The other truly doesn't. Already, one is more desirable, right? Now let's say that the one who wants sex starts taking actions in accordance with her desire. Maybe she puts on a corset because she knows a .67 waist to hip ratio is attractive to men - lol. Maybe she leaves her house and goes to social gatherings where she might find single men. Maybe she puts a large mirror by her bed and buys a creative variety of pillows. Maybe she reads dating/making psychology books with an open curious mind. Etc. Etc. It's true that all these actions will probably result in validation of her desirability by men but really she's just self-validating her desire. It's no different than if a woman had the goal of being a great runner who would naturally receive validation for her running ability when she went out and raced. She wouldn't necessarily even have to run a race to self-validate because she would know that her training got her into the kind of shape that would lead to that result. I KNOW that if I went out to a bar on Friday night in my little black dress I would almost certainly get offers for sex and I KNOW if I had sex I would communicate openly and my body would almost certainly respond wonderfully and my partner would almost certainly get some enjoyment from the experience so I don't need to go to the bar if I just want validation but I might go if I just wanted "just sex." Actually, the thing that is most amazing is that I could probably even manage a certain level of connected sex with a stranger from a bar, at least to the point of " Hey there fellow human, isn't it great to be alive in a world where you can f*ck!"
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
