Thanks for all the replies peoples - they are all appreciated.

Cobra - you talk about an abused child and how they need to overcome the past memories and build trust in the new relationship, plus learn "new behaviours" - what if that child (i.e. my H) doesn't think he needs to learn new behaviours? and thinks he is just fine the way he is. How do you "focus on the pain within the child" and help them to see their actions are a reflection of that pain and to get "past it"?

Heywyre

M - 57
H - 65
1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02
2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06
together 21 years
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Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)