Oh, HBT - I'm sorry that you are having such a bad day - I know the feeling of despair that you are probably feeling. Every day after a new announcement (#1 - ILYBNILWY speech, #2 MC isn't working - we need to separate, #3 - I've contacted an attorney and am filing for D, #4 - I've signed a lease and am moving out next week, etc., etc.) I was completely useless. Stayed in bed all day reading the forums here and crying. I would try and move around, but all I would do is catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and go back to bed.
There is a section here on the different stages of MLC, but I wonder about the different stages of the LBS. There are times that I feel like I am experiencing a death in the family - the overwhelming sadness, the anger, etc. I wonder if there is something out there for us and what we will go through, how long it may last, how to cope, etc.
I do think that we need to grieve, but I think we both need to be careful about wallowing in it. It is so easy to stay inside and bury yourself in your grief. My bed is comfortable, my computer offers me some comfort...it would be so easy to hide. But that would just hurt you. And that is what you need to focus on now, minute by minute, day by day. When you start to focus on him, you really need to stop and say to yourself - enought about him, what about me. I have to stop myself when I start thinking about everything I will have to do...from plowing the driveway to driving the kids to school to getting car insurance in my name. I literally shake my head and stop thinking about it all at once.
Your last paragraph made me smile - while it wasn't funny - it certainly summed up my last month. And today my H told me that he didn't think he was moving fast..... I can't even imagine what he would think fast was?!?!?!?!?
If reading and listening to music isn't working - try something else. TV (sitcoms or something light)? Shopping? Working out or walking? Playing a board game with your D? Keep trying things until you find something that works to get your mind off of him. I know it is hard. I can only go a couple of minutes before I start thinking of my reality again. But those couple of minutes are good.
Remember that you can't control or fix him - only yourself. Therefore - work on you!!!
I'll be posting later to my thread and checking up on you. I have to run D's around to various things. Thankfully they are very busy and that keeps me busy.
