I agree with you that the final destination does not have to be cast in concrete. But that was not really my point. To put anything down on paper, as a personal destination, is really tough. Yes, it can change. That is the great part. But you do have to move... and I personally believe that it is best to at least have some idea of where/how, in order to begin, even if you aren't convinced that the way you have chosen is where you really want to go.
I am a woman, so my example is going to be a bit different than what a man might say, but for me... it took approximately 24 months to solidify my purpose/direction for my new life.... but I DID have a general idea of where I wanted to go, at least, as I was figuring it out. I lost my fear of being 'wrong.' It was the only way I could get myself to move. I don't know that men have the same fear... but there is probably some fear in there, botching up the process. Try to figure out what it might be.
Prior to that, when I was married, when my shrink asked me... "what makes Corri happy? And I want an answer that is all about YOU... it doesn't include your husband, your kids, your house, your friends. It is a question that is all about you..." It stumped me for MONTHS.
The exercise is designed to specifically leave out any other person in order for you to really confront yourself. If you think about it... it is an exceedingly difficult question to answer... because we are ALWAYS pulling someone into things we do that make us happy. That's the point. That's why it is so hard.
So, GGB, and anyone else, I really want you to give this some thought. YES. It can change. But that isn't the point of the exercise. It involves YOU and no one else. Take a week, if you need to. I'd like for you, if you can, to check back in by Aug. 23. If you want to do it sooner, cool. Same goes for anyone else following along. If you don't have answers by that time, don't sweat it. Do your best... and let's see what you've got and where you might get hung up.
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With that in mind, then yes, she still does control how I react, and that is ONLY BECAUSE I ALLOW IT! (lightbulb)
Excellent. As practice... try to become more aware of yourself when you interact with your wife, especially your emotions, and where in your body you feel them. Head... chest area... solar plexus...groin area... the reason for this 'where am I feeling' is to help slow yourself down and get out of autopilot. To be 'aware' takes a lot of effort, and sometime you'll get it, and sometimes, you won't. If you have time, it is good to keep a journal as you go through this. If you don't, don't sweat it.
Lou: You are retired, correct? How long have you and BB been in the house where you currently live? Were you living there when you retired? Was BB a homemaker when you retired? If you don't want to answer here, you can answer on your own thread.
