back to square -1 or -10000

[ediemarie]

hi Cat -
I've never posted to you before, but you did post to me once suggesting that h and I see a MC - and I concur it's needed - but I wanted to let you know that I know what you are going through - my heart, like everyone else that has followed your sitch, sank at your new developments.

I think what you are going through is similiar to what I am. My H rekindled his R with OW and I was clueless to it. It was/is like he has been leading a double life - sweet, kind, supportive, lovey at home and leading me down the path of "everything is fine, we're working things out" all the while maintaining a relationship with another woman. Hell, it took me 3 weeks of his mystery disappearances before I put 2 and 2 together - I could kick myself...why didn't I see it? Truth is - I DIDN'T WANT TO. I was working so hard, I believed our R was getting better, I want our marriage to work and I'm not/your not to blame for believing that it was working. You were mislead - it's not pretty, but it's accurate. You (like I did) fell for the lie - that's the point of lying and it worked. Interestingly enough, most cheating H's/W's lie so as to protect their spouse from the pain of knowing the truth - nice, right? In their minds they are doing us a favor by lying - so sick.

I have no sage advice, just don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault. Your H (my H) made bad decisions, really bad decisions and then chose to lie about it all. The only thing you are at fault for is trying to build a relationship - and that deserves no blame!

Hang in there!! Hopefully the fog will clear soon.

EM