When we go to IC, she's always in a rush to get it going. If I can hold her off, she seems to get hotter. She doesn't care for oral most of the time, I think because she associates it with the panic feeling. She also has mentioned several times that she doesn't think its fair to ask me for it because she thinks it is gross (I'm not allowed kiss her on the mouth afterwards). So I think it is a combination of less scary and less "icky" to her
You're Catholic right? I was raised Catholic too and it can sure mess with your mind when it comes to sex. Lucky for me my parents were pretty liberal catholics and were honest with us when it came to any questions. They didn't necessarily tow the party line on all issues. But the nuns and priests did their best to guilt trip us into thinking sex was disgusting and only allowed for procreation.
I think there is hope for you, but you have to SLOW RIGHT DOWN. If she starts to get hot stop. Don't let her panic, stop before she panics. Don't let her go to IC, just stop. Go off and do something else for a while, leave her wondering what happened. Leave her body the chance to catch up with itself. She won't unwind completely not for a couple of hours at least. So then you come back and you start again and she starts getting hot again. Stop again. You're in this for the long haul right? You have teenagers so you've been married a very long time. Doesn't matter if this takes a few days, or a week. Slowly build and build. Every time she starts to get hot don't think "yay, here we go", think "I can play this for as long as it takes". Do not go to IC until she is literally begging you to. Begging and weeping, rending her garments and gnashing her teeth. Remember you are in charge. Don't do things because she asks you, do the things you know are going to work. Oral works, going slowly will work. She will sense your control of the situation and that may well help her. Keep up the pressure morning and night. Don't skip or she will go off the boil. When you do decide the time is right to go for it, stay controlled stay slow, if she tries to make a break for the finish line stop her. Just keep it up at a steady pace. I can't really say what might happen, I'm hoping for her sake and yours it'll be something really good.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Remember you are in charge. Don't do things because she asks you, do the things you know are going to work. Oral works, going slowly will work. She will sense your control of the situation and that may well help her. Keep up the pressure morning and night. Don't skip or she will go off the boil. When you do decide the time is right to go for it, stay controlled stay slow, if she tries to make a break for the finish line stop her. Just keep it up at a steady pace. I can't really say what might happen, I'm hoping for her sake and yours it'll be something really good.