Now, to have sex, I must be the instigator...in the first she is doing me because she HAS to do me.

Why do you believe she HAS to do you? Is she incapable of saying no?

So by your definition of being an instigator does it mean that a man who asks a woman on a date is not getting validation that she is interested in him? The only way he can be validated is if she asks him out? What about a man asking a woman to marry him? Is her saying yes "validating"?

Is it possible we are mixing validation of ourselves by others with the idea of enjoying that someone likes us, wants to make dinner for us, wants to make love to us, wants to buy something for us, wants to spend time with us, etc. I think there is a difference between validation and EXPRESSION OF FEELINGS.

I hope you don't want your wife to ML to you to validate yourself as a man. Do you want her to express how she feels about you by making love to you rather than keeping a clean house? Do you believe that she does not love you because she does not desire you (at least not in a way you can recognize)?



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus