Our anniversary was last Thursday. I called and asked him to come out for awhil.
I realize that he asked you over and made dinner...but still...you've got to stop. No initiating contact...especially for big deal things like anniversaries.
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I don't know if things could get worse. (except if he files) We went through hell the first 3 months after the "bomb".
They can...and if it's MLC they will...at least relationship wise. Rather than thinking worse/better, think close/far. He will at some point get farther away...yes even more than now.
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I am really afraid of the "space" or "dark". Out of sight out of mind never worked for us at all and I'm really afraid that it won't now.
So what you're saying...is that you are allowing your fears to interfere. What worked or didn't work before is irrelvant...if this is MLC. You are in new territory here.
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If he is there to be alone, to figure it out I'm all for it. I am willing to wait here and work on me. What I fear is that he is exploring with OW and that's wrong.
But what is it that he's exploring??? Okay, so it's wrong--says you. So what though...will your judgement of wrong stop it. No!
Right or wrong are irrelevant. He's goingt o be with her anyway...whether you like or or not, whether you think it's moral or not...it doesn't matter.
Right now you are so afraid of letting him go because you may lose him AND you want to be RIGHT...OWs are wrong and that's that.
MLC doesn't work in that tidy fashion. You are holding so tight that he is suffocating and YOU WILL LOSE HIM.
What do you need todo?
ACCEPT the process...and that means that there will be an OW. It doesn't mean approve...it means Accept. It means you are not in control--and this is his life, not yours, thus you shouldn't ever be the controller. It means you can do nothing to change or stop it. It means surrender to God.
Denial of the process can prolong MLC. It can make it MUCH worse. And a return is less likely.
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I asked him tonight if we are going to work on us?
No more doing this. I am not saying it is going to be easy...but it can be easier. Right now your denial of the process is making it very hard for you.
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...he didn't leave me any more hopeful than I was.
Why would he want to...he wants out, in his mind to leave you hopeful would be offering False Hope...and just like and OW would be wrong, intentionally offering false hope would be wrong too.
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Says he just wants to be alone
And yet you are trying tor refuses Dark/Space...you HEARD tha man...now listen. He wants ot be alone. Give him the gift of space...many regret that they get what they ask for. And he may...later, but to go through MLC, he needs space.
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I want to wait for him because I believe in us and our M. I want to take this time to fix things wrong with me, to make me a better person. I just wish I could find hope.
You showed the Hope right there. Hope lies within you..you WANT your marriage to work...thus there is Hope. There is always Hope...it springs eternal.
So start now and do what you said you want...take this time to fix yourSelf. Right now you are still living in Fear...Love is the opposite of Fear.
