Annie I was joking about the thread being serious. I would never marry again. I just feel if we do it should MATTER, and the world should go into mourning about marriage breakdown.
A lay-preacher at our church said that his dad walked on his mom when he was 12. When he was older he counted up the number of lives damaged by his father's affair, and when he reached 100 he stoped counting. These are serious stats.
Ilove flippant. Life is a serous business but we don't have to be serious about it.
Okay, on the topic of why they don't catch themselves before they go off the cliff, here are my thoughts.
First of all, typically men leave to something. Words from my MC. They find something that excites them in a way that of course we wives are not doing. One major area being sex, of course. But in addition to that, it's probably a playmate who has similar interests, not as much baggage, etc...
For women, while I agree that many will leave the M before having the A, many do not. And I think it's because it just happens. All of the sudden, they're getting something their H has not been giving them.
They don't stop themselves because they are just following their feelings. Before they know it, they're in the throws of a passionate love affair and needs are being met that they didn't realize haven't been met at home. I the case of my H, I don't think he realized how "unhappy" he was in our M until OW came along and sparked somethign in him... something that I was simply not doing.
What's the right thing to do? Get away from the temptation of potential affair partner and go home and discuss it with your spose. But IMO, that takes a very strong, emotionally intelligent person to do that. And most of the spouses who fall pray to the affairs are emotionally unaware. So, here they are, comletely "in love" and ready to throw it all away.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
This is where the OP does have a responsibility. Married people should be off limtis. Very few of the OP are in a marriage - some of them are, but many are unstable, and cruising. I know that my h's OW was. Yes, our spouses didn't have to go for it, but since being on my own I have seen so many times when I could have smiled, encouraged, and initiated an affair.
We are all vulnerable. We should all cherish our marriages. But we don't. I also think that many MLCers are looking for adventure more pursposefully than most. So I DO think that the OM/OW has responsibility as well as our spouses.
"Father of the Bride", "A Place in the Sun", "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof", "National Velvet", and my all time favorite, "Giant"... just the best movies ever.
Being provocative I fell that her eyebrows were a little thick! Great eyes. Didn't envy her taste in men - she really picked losers. Now there is an object lesson!
