There and Back, #2

[SallyM]

well, here I am. its thursday afternoon and just got home after a busy morning...took the kids up to h's house, picking my dad up along the way. called h to give him a heads up that dad was coming to the planetarium with S5 and I. H hasn't seen my dad since the bomb, and was not overjoyed, but said hi to him and such when I got there. not sure dad even responded, actually. I don't go into the gory details with my parents, because if we should reconcile, I don't want those specifics in their head. I did tell them about the affair, but just tend to leave things a bit more general with them other than that. still, don't think dad is real pleased with H.

we had a nice time at the planetarium, it was smaller than I expected, but fun for a 5 year old, and I enjoyed taking him, as well as spending some time with my dad. dropped S5 off at H's after. I stopped in to give hugs and kisses to the kids. I left pretty quickly, not really saying much to h. I wasn't being mean, just focused on the kids, and polite but not effusive to him. he seemed taken aback that I was leaving so quickly. guess since ow wasn't there, he had time not to be a jerk. whatever.

after, had some lunch with dad and had a nice talk. good, because all I wanted to do was drive home and cry. talking with dad was much better. I sounded so strong talking to him, I almost had a birds eye view of it. we got to talking about different philosophies of happiness and such, it was interesting. dad and I aren't exactly alike, but we have many similarities. as a child, I used to love having talks with him, but its been years since I have. need to do more of that.

then I did cry some on the drive home. just upset about leaving the kids, even though I know its good for them. I have a busy weekend ahead of me, so won't sit and wallow, but its always hard when I first part from them. it didn't help that h's upacked bag was sitting in the living room. guessing I was dead-on that the reason he was so cold/distant sounding on the phone was that she was with him. obviously he wasn't at his mom's last night...he must have walked in not long before I got there with the kids this morning.

when will I stop caring? seriously. I am gal, I am doing a lot of things here, but I can't seem to find that magic button that I can push and just stop caring finally.