Nomopo's Thread - Is something happening to me?

[Nomopo]

Next thread. My recap/summary is below.

I think something is happening to me. I'd like to think it is detaching, but I am not sure. I think I am really letting go (or is it giving up?) of my W and my M. I am accepting the likelihood of a divorce. I'm not emotionless or indifferent. I am sad, and I am mourning the loss of my M, my family and my reduced R with me kids. Things are settling in for me. I still have some bitterness and anger (maybe a lot) towards my W for things she has done and not done, and things she is still doing and not doing. I literally am apalled at some of her behavior. I'm heavily disappointed in her. She has let and is letting me down.

I'm also tired of twisting in the wind. I feeling ready to move onto the next chapter. But I am not certain. I feel uncomfortable right now, I think because I don't have what's happening to me all figured out.

I had an IC session today. We discussed this at length. We have a JC session tomorrow morning and C encouraged me strongly to let my W know that I am feeling different, that things are changing. C thinks I am letting go, detaching, and starting to move on (or to throw in the towel). She says in her experience there is a line and once you cross it, going back is VERY difficult. Even if you say you ware willing to try. She thinks I am approaching that line. I think she is right. Based on this last week and what I told her, C thinks 4 - 6 weeks is the most I have before crossing "that line." C wants W to know this. She says it is the decent thing to do. C said she might even tell W about the line, with me there (though we also discussed C meeting with W alone and she said if W was willing she would do it). I think C sees our window of opportunity closing.

My instinct before the IC session (and still now I think) was not to say anything to W. If I am detaching, and gets the sense I may be moving on, and if that wakes her up or brings her backl to me, fine. But saying something to her expressly seems likely to make W view this as a ploy to try to get her back. I guess C thinks that the fact that our window of opportunity may be closing quickly overrides that concern, and we just need to honestly lay it out for W and let her react however she wants. And I honestly don't know how she would react: (1) she could be happy that I am finally on board with her view that the M is flawed and not worth working on, (2) she could continue to do nothing, (3) she coudl worry about what this means for how I go forward - will I do something to hurt her, or (4) she might finally open up to the fact that a D is about to become our reality and she may question if that is what she wants or if she is ready for that.

Part of my hesitancy to discuss what is happening with W is that I do not know for sure myself, and I do not know what will happen, and that is just plain scary. I think I am ok with a D now (don't want it, of course, but more accepting of it than i have been). I think another part of me feels like I would be upset with myself if I found out that if I had just been patient things would work out. But I don't even know if I can just be patient. I don't think this is just about impatience. I really think something is changing in me.

Any thoughts?
Nomopo

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Here is a summary of my sitch:

Me: 39; WAW: 38
Married: Nov. 1997 (began dating Dec. 1993).
First marriages for both.
Son (7) and daughter (4).
Initial Bomb: May 8, 2005 (Mother's Day and D's birthday)
Traditional couples therapy started: Dec. 2005
"Maybe we should call it quits" Bomb: Jan. 22nd (aka "looking into the [divorce] abyss"); W not working on M
Emotional Affair discovered: Feb. 22nd
Ultimatum regarding EA given: Feb. 29th
Response ending EA, but not working on M, given: Mar. 4th
Divorce Busting begins ("rookie league"): April 10th
Solutions-Based, Goal-Oriented Therapist found: April 12th (Wife is going now!)
"Should we explore a separation?": May 10th
"I want a "trial" separation": May 22nd
Told kids about separation: June 9th (6:00 pm)
Separation implemented: June 11th
Unsure about status of EA; unsure what W is thinking

Some previous alien spew:
"We have no spark and there is no hope."
"We both deserve more."
"I am sad all the time." Depression?
"It's not my fault that it took 15 months of therapy for you to have a breakthrough and finally understand what you were doing and how unhappy I am."
"I do not see any hope of you changing and us being happy together."