Sex and Validation

[Kettricken]

I think MJ put her finger on it. Sex without the NEED for validation rocks, because then if something goes "wrong" or you get turned down it's not this devastating ego blow. You can have a giggle about it. (still totally working on this myself)

I truly don't see how you can have sex without validation, though. I think it's an inherently validating experience. "This person would rather roll around with me, sweat, funny noises, cellulite, imperfect technique, 'you're on my hair', and all as opposed to getting off quietly (or not) to their own rhythm with visions of opposite-sex perfection dancing in their head or on their screen." What's not to feel validated (dare I even say, "loved") by?

That is *assuming* you have a partner who will at least play. As opposed to one who just lies there and grudgingly tolerates your evil lust (unless that's what you like). That *would* feel like nothing more than masturbation (worse, actually, because at least with a blow-up doll you aren't getting the message that you're wasting their precious time), and (sorry but it's true) feels inherently DE-validating (if that's a word).

Burgbud, how do you conceive of "sex without validation", because I'm clearly having a hard time wrapping my head around it?