Reconnection or Reconciliation Pearls

[a new 2moro]

lets see i actually had gone thru a NC phase that lasted thru dec into feb. except for christmas...he asked to come over...guilt gifts.

but always kept spewing back or digging or trying to defend myself....not good.

being still was not getting baited anymore....letting him initiate all contact. i chose to be slow in most replies. and it was only for business. no phone call allowed. only txt and emails. if he did something like ransack my house that time...i called my L.

I didnt see him much. i tried not to. I was hurting. But when i found the forgiveness....i still hurt but i wasnt angry. This allowed me to let go more of the OW thing. He began to communicate more. He saw safe as me not spewing, defending...and shutting up about OW. In fact i didnt bring her up period. the couple times few times I saw him in april were uneventful. He tried several times to bait me ...i didnt play...his tone softened. the e-mails increased from him.....i still wasnt timely in my responses...or they were of few words. I need blank and blank.

he was peeking i guess i forced him to peek out further. for that bigger peek.....he didnt get his neck snapped off. I went totally out of character and let him have the dogs for a weekend. Of course my GF pointed out let him have the dogs and drive OW and her cat nuts.

"it takes a crisis to end the crisis" when smudgie got sick I let him in for that. we both held on to him when the vet put him to sleep. He loved his dog. after that he began to find reasons to come out uninvited. H said going to the funeral of his boss's dad sealed his wanting to come home.

Court almost killed me i swear. it hurt so much, but it was hurt and sadness not anger. I retreated and cut off all contact.....he did backflips trying to get a message from me.

still is more than no contact. its a peace you find and let go of the anger. I had done NC before. this was different. jeesh am i making sense??? This was a process that started in early march and went thru early July when he asked to come home. These MLCers know the difference between when you are still for yourself or baiting them.