in a very very stupid way I'm giving him yet another chance to explain himself
I've been over this one in my head a thousand times. Why does he get second/third/fourth chances? Is it because I'm too stupid/trusting/weak to let consequences fall where they should (according to friends/family/society)?
I keep coming back to this: I am not weak (NOR ARE YOU CAT). I am strong. Do I deserve this? Heck no. But I can walk through waist-deep cr*p for as long as I have to to spare my kids from the turmoil of a split family. This does not mean I lay on the floor and allow him to walk all over me, but it does mean that I can set my boundaries, stand up for myself and GAL until something changes at least.
Am I perfect at this? I wish. Is it hard? You know it is. But it's worth it. You are not stupid for keeping the door open a crack. It's what you've been fighting for for a long time.
Don't even play with the txts. Find something, anything that helps you get your attention off the whirlpool of expectation, assumption and anguish swirling around in your head.
