Trying to set those goals!

[Trixi]

I don't think I blew the volunteering thing; really. It only came up because my grandparents need help remodeling their downstairs and he said he would like to help-if my family wouldn't feel too weird about it. *Then* he mentioned volunteering. Then I made the face. Then he said we could do it together. (If I hadn't made the face, I don't think he would have suggested it.) When we were at our cars I said "what did you mean, "we could do it together"?" (I wasn't sure if he meant helping my grandparents or volunteering.) and he said "What do you think I meant? I meant volunteer." And I said "oh. okay." in a neutral to happy way.

I won't be here to ask 'why camping now'. I know what he'll say - he'll say because The Group or Joe Blow asked him to go. Just like the beer float (rafts tied together floating down a river) he went on. He gets invited to things.

Besides, I'm not sure what he could say that would be helpful. He could say "I have wanted to go for a long time." (And I will feel rejected because he wouldn't go with me.) He could say "My friends from work invited me." (And I will feel alone because I don't have a big network of single friends.) He could say "Because I thought about how you mentioned it in the past, and it *does* seem like a good idea, now that I think about it." (And I will think, why couldn't you have done that when we were still together?) He could say "Summer has gotten away from me and I wanted to make sure I got out camping at least once." (And I will think about how we were *supposed* to go camping and rent a Harley late July for our anniversary; that we were supposed to be camping together..)

Maybe there is some scenario/answer I didn't think of. I agree I am worn out from sprinting. Every time i try to sit this round out, he calls or we have contact. I feel like I have had stitches put in for a gaping wound, and just when the skin is starting to knit back together, he comes by to check the stitches by yanking them out and testing the scar.