My penance...

[Steel_Box]

I can understand your aversion to digging for answers. It hurts if you prove suspicions of adultery right, it hurts to mistrust them, but it also hurts to wonder all the time.

I quit digging, it doesn't change her actions and I don't need any more proof of the adultery, There is absolutely no question about the fact that there was an affair. My only question is IF it has ended. She has never told me it did, she just told me she realized that she wanted fix things between us.

Have you told your wife how much it worries you that she has so much contact with him? Have you asked her what all the chitchat is about?

I have not asked her anything about it since early June. That was when I stopped concerning myself with it. At that point I had pretty much resigned myself to our M being over. Our court date for custody and initial property was June 19th. At that point what she did didn't matter anymore, we were seperated and she was free to do whatever she wanted. Of course June 18th was when things started to get better, and had been steadily improving until this last week.

She may not tell you or get angry(a definite bad sign), she could play it off as absolutely nothing (notice whether or not she seems tense or obviously dishonest), or there's the slim (very slim) possibility she may actually tell you what's being said and why.

I'm sure she would be angry since the only information I have right now is from scrolling through her phone. I'm not sure how to approach the topic without showing my hand. If I ask her whether she is stll in contact with him and she flat out lies to me, I may not be able to keep a DB/poker face.

The more you tell me, the more concerned I am. I worry that the affair possibly never ended. There was a point where I reverted to keeping my affair a secret while supposedly returning to my husband. While I hate to give you more worries, be careful. No one wants to be played a fool once, but twice is more hurt than anyone deserves. If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck...you get the picture.

This is my concern also. My problem is that she is definitely working at our R lately. I see her efforts and changes in her attitude. I have also had outside people approach me and tell me that she is saying that things are much better and improving. To quote one of her friends " I don't know what you are doing but it's working. She is excited about you again, and keeps talking about it." So I see these things as good, but I don't know if she is just sliding back into her old "dual life" and just hiding it again. She falls short on a lot of the actions that she has proposed.