I woke up this morning in a real funk. Very sad and depressed about the whole sitch. Just don't know how we got here and I don't know how to fix it. Every time I think about what it would be like to be involved with my H as a couple I am overwhelmed with feelings, fear, anger, disgust.
(((((waw)))))
I have followed your sitch since the first day, and I am always amazed at how hard-headed, selfish, and blind your H is and has been over the years. However, I am always then reminded that I was more or less the same way with my W. This realization always hurts, and I can undestand my W's pain through experiencing yours. It is tremendous, and I'm so sorry that you have had to endure this for so long, and continue doing so. Your H is still lost, in denial of himself, and therefore unable (not unwilling, but unable) to see that he has strongly contributed to the breakdown of this M. I admire you so much for doing what you can and putting up with his selfish actions in order to save a M that many in your position would've walked away from by now. Thank you for being so steadfast in your resolve -- hopefully H will figure out what's really at stake here sooner than later, and will look inward in order to repair the damage he has done.
I've continually hoped that your H would eventually come around, for both of your sakes. I'm hoping so much for this! Have you noticed ANY changes in him yet? Is he better, the same, or worse?
Do you think you could learn to love him again if he made the permanent changes you need from him? If so, how long do you believe it would take for you to regain this love for him?
For me, my changes have not changed my W's mind, and she still wants to proceed with the D. I'm torn between how much it has to do with her new BF, and how much it has to do with the fact that she just plain doesn't love me anymore (BF or not). I also wonder if she will ever feel love for me again, given the constistent and permanent changes in me and my R with her. It's been 9 months, and it honestly does scare me that she will never love me again no matter what I do.
Great job venting here -- do it as often as necessary!
