Things have calmed down alot at home since the huge argument (in regards to consent orders and disbursment of assets).
W got really nasty when the lawyers calculated the percentage (assets) in my favour 57-43%. She was going for 70-30%, then 60-40%, then we finally agreed on 50-50%.
I don't think it was ever about the money, more about hurting me. I still think that she is so angry with me for neglecting her (emotionally) for the last 12 months, and with my work as well.
She also wants the family dog (who I picked and bought and cared for (majority) over the last 12 years. He is with my parents at the moment due to waiting to get the neighbours to put up a retaining wall for a side fence (waiting 8 months) at our new place. She did not want him around for so many years and now she wants him, go figure.
Looks like her R with OM is going well. The funny thing is that she does not spend any nights at his place (he lives 5 minutes away). She always ends up coming home in the early hours of the morning. Don't know why you wouldn't spend the night if you are in a PA.
Anyway, that is my update, hope all you are doing better in your respective sitches.
We are well and truly into our divorce paperwork, and are now getting the house ready for sale.
Its funny how sitches have their ups and downs. Things have calmed considerably over the last few weeks. Had a huge argument a few weeks back, and pretty much told my W that I had conceded, and that in all honesty, I could not forgive and forget, and that she did not have to worry about me wanting to reconcile.
Well today, after two weeks of bliss, she tried to instigate an argument with me in regards to things I was saying to D. I did not buy into it and asked her what was the real problem.
We had a nice talk about most things. Where she and I went wrong. She kept telling me "whats done is done, it has happened", in regards to the decision she made several months back and her PA. She told me how sorry she was that it happened.
I did not go into it further and left it at that. Then we continued to talk, and OM was mentioned, and I asked her "How are things going, good I hope", she said "I don't know".
I said "I hope things do go well, the last thing I want is for you to be hurt". "How does he feel about you?". Then she said "I don't know how he feels and I don't care".
I left it there.
Hmmmmm. I bloody knew it. The scumbag OM's have their fun, ruin any chance of reconsilliation, then when things get serious in regards to making a committment now that divorce gets closer, they get cold feed.
So now my emotions are torn between the fact that I have accepted my sitch, and look forward to a new life, with still wanting to save my M and family.
Does anyone else go through these mixed emotions daily?
I just don't know if I can really forgive and forget, it just hurts too much and I know I will bring it up in the future, regardless how hard I try to block it out. How can you trust someone again, what if OM comes back into the picture, will she run back to him..........................I think my brain is going to explode
Anyway, regardless of what happens, I am much stronger now and look forward to life with or without her.
Hope everyone is doing well in theirs, god bless. AndyV
So now my emotions are torn between the fact that I have accepted my sitch, and look forward to a new life, with still wanting to save my M and family.
Does anyone else go through these mixed emotions daily?
I know exactly how you feel. I am going through it right now also. Our court date is 8/28 and H has started a little communication with me again. I too have accepted this mess that he created and was starting to look forward to meeting someone that cared about me and only me, but I am now struggling with the fact that I still love him and want to help him because he seems so sad, lonely, and confused. I guess we are all in a sitch where we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Life is full of what-if's...it's all about choices and dealing with them the best we can. All I can say is do what you need to do for yourself. You don't want to live your life in regret because you let fear or pride get in the way of attempting to save your marriage and keep your family together. In the end, if our WAS's don't want to reconcile, we don't have a choice. Stay strong and take care.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Yes, I know how you feel as well. Only I am a few months behind in He## right now so I guess there is more Sh## to look forward to. Yikes. I joked to my best friend that my H probably would celebrate with the OW tonight how he finally dropped the bomb that he loved her. I imagined the rejoice she must feel that he is no longer pretending and that they can come out of the closet as a couple in love instead of hiding in the shadows as a horrible affair. My best friend said, "Yeah, and that's when the fun stops, the challenge is over, and she dumps his a@@!" I smile because it sounds like that is what really happens! They do deserve to get ther hearts broken. I want him to be happy, but c'mon, how can you live with a homewrecker when their are other spouses and children and parents involved. It is insanity. Nothing clean about it. Try to rebuild trust and know this is a natural evolution of an affair. It will end and they will want reconcilliation. Hang ot in Piecing for a while to see how to do it right. I am just enetring into Affair land, so my heart is still tattered, but I imagine I will be in your shoes in about six months or less.
Last edited by mkultra; 08/16/0701:22 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Man, I can relate to your feelings here. My W and I are in a very similar sitch. We have not filed yet, and my W says her PA is over, but I still find out that they talk from time to time.
But, wow, my emotions change daily, even hourly. In the mornings, I am pretty wiped out. Thinking what are we doing to our kids, home, and family. Then, as the day moves on, I am thinking I am a fool to think that I can ever trust her again.
Roller coaster... Not sure when this stops (it would help if I could make a decision..., but with this ride it is hard...).
Hey Andyv, NEVER say you would do something until it happens, as I have said in the past. I always said "I WOULD THROW MY W OUT IN THE STREET OF SHE CHEATED ON ME" and here I am. Do what feels right; don’t let pride ruin your life. Things may still work out for you and if they do you will be a stronger person because of all of this. If you are meant to be together it will happen it not the then think of all of the things you have learned and your next R will be a strong healthy one. It's strange how your sitch and mine are at completely different stages and still we are both going through the same emotions.
Great to hear from you.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I just don't know if I can really forgive and forget, it just hurts too much and I know I will bring it up in the future, regardless how hard I try to block it out. How can you trust someone again, what if OM comes back into the picture, will she run back to him..........................I think my brain is going to explode
Whatever happens these feelings will be there. My H didn't string me along once he told me about the A. OW was out of picture within a week but I STLL have all the emotions you mention above and that is a whole year after H has totally recommitted. The trouble is that to be able to experience a full loving relationship you also have to be able to lay yourself open to all the pain that goes along with it.
I will NEVER be able to trust my H again the way I used to and I really grieve for that. But we have all learnt a lot along the way and are hopefully better people for it. If you forget what has happened you haven't learnt from it. I really, really wanted to forget - have even considered hypnosis to help me forget, but then I would probably go and make the same mistakes again if I forget. Time will help. My H would never go back to OW because now he can see her for the conniving b!tCH she was. I've just got to make sure that the communication channels between us are so good that he doesn't get involved with another woman. And the subject does come up again and again but as time goes by it is beginning to come up in more of a jokey way than an anger way.
Just a few thoughts for you.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Trust is a very touchy thing. I have chosen to forgive my H and have decided to trust him as well, however, it's easier said than done. Perfect example happened today. I got a call on H's cell, which I now carry, from the UPS store saying that a package he tried to send keeps coming back. Of course, my heart just bottoms out as I wonder what it is and who he was sending it to. Turns out to be totally innocent, one of his drawings to his best friend, but those feelings and doubts are always lurking.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Why does it pan out this way. Everywhere I read, when it nears closure and acceptance from the LBS the WAS becomes undecided. Talk about a spanner in the works........
The one thing I have noticed in any sitch or success story is that once the euphoria and mystery are gone from an affair, and it starts to become reality, their R changes.
They become more demanding or reclusive to the other. Responsibility starts to set in. Futures are planned. No more romance or intrigue. Things start to tick each other off etc etc.
In the meantime, keep GALing, become a better person for yourself, continue showing them that you are stable and in control of your future and that whatever happens you will survive and prosper without them and surround yourself with great friends and family.
This is what I have done, and have let my W worry about D, the house, her R, and now I have become more of an attractive option than OM.
Even DD has told me things that W tells her (pro me). She came home from school the other day with W, and DD yelled out to me in my office, "I think mummy loves you again because she says you have a good heart". W did not confirm or deny it, just stayed silent. I said "Thats nice baby, how was school". And left it at that.
So if you really want him back, just hang in there. You have many more ups and downs to go through on your ride.
