Since my W plans on moving out in a few days, I decided to implement a sort of LRT. I started by saying "I would prefer that we stay together but since you feel that is not possible, let's get the D process going". We discussed what we could sell or keep. I made sure to point out a fond memory when certain items were brought up. Then the kid factor came about. Earlier today my 5D said: "since daddy will not be living with us are we still a family"?? With that my W began crying. In fact, she cried at least 5 times during our discussion. I did not dare bring up the OM since this was a positive moment for me.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Since my W plans on moving out in a few days, I decided to implement a sort of LRT. I started by saying "I would prefer that we stay together but since you feel that is not possible, let's get the D process going". We discussed what we could sell or keep. I made sure to point out a fond memory when certain items were brought up. Then the kid factor came about. Earlier today my 5D said: "since daddy will not be living with us are we still a family"?? With that my W began crying. In fact, she cried at least 5 times during our discussion. I did not dare bring up the OM since this was a positive moment for me.
Brilliant! Don't bring up OM at these times which are about you two not him, and what's flashing through her mind is what she is losing. She goes with that thought in her mind.
I wish I can use the LRT but my D is too young to understand that. Therefore, I dont bring up the R. All I am doing is keeping a positive attitude. I dont even imagine EA with W. I see myself with W and having a new child in our lives. If your W feels so terrible about divorving and separating then why would she want to leave and break up the family.
This is where divorce has a negative effect since your D is aware of situation. I feel pity for your D it must terrible for her right now. But dont rush to judgement on W, let her think of it.
Wishing you all the best!!!
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Well we just had a conflicting conversation. She wants to divorce because she can't trust me and I still haven't solved our financial problems. She again stated that she cannot rely on me for financial stability. She said she begged me 1 1/2 years ago to do what I am doing now. According to her, I should have 3 jobs and although I am working hard to get jobs it is just not good enough. I should have a "Plan B".
She feels that I am making her out to be the "heavy" because the family is being broken up. Plus she feels that I am being indifferent when she talks about what she can take from the house. Her thoughts are that she has to ask permission to take items for her new apt. Also I give her an attitude when she wants money for stuff.
She says she has given this decision a lot of thought and she must get divorced because she can't count on me or trust me and that the trust can never be regained. In her eyes, I had plenty of chances to fix this problem and I didn't. She says that there is still no solution sine I don't have 3 jobs to pay the bills.
I told her that I want to fight to keep our family together. She is past the point of no return. No faith, no trust, no future together since she cannot count on me. Of course, the financial problems are not solved. She also is angry that she has to move out to an apt.in her parents house and be responsible for the kids while I am free to go about my life.
I am not sure if she is angry or selfish? She is mad at me for what has happened and now it is my fault that she has to live in a small apt. and handle the kids while I still live in our house.
Why is it so easy to think that divorce is the answer?
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Its the simplest answer to every MP. W's tend to see this as the way out not knowing how this decision destroy whatever R exists b/w H & W. My W said the same things you stated. Since I dont discuss the R, I have not been hearing these things rather I have been given many questions ie. why do I go to the mall, why do I spend so much time with the family, why, why why? This is definately good as compared to I hate you, I cannot trust you etc etc.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Your W is taking the issues and using them as an excuse to run away. As with every WAW/MLCer she thinks the grass will be greener on the other side. Ofcourse it is not.
My personal tactic is to not stand in her way. Let her find her own way. Let her find out what it will really be like. I do not make suggestions to her about her actions or try to influence her in any way. You cannot control her, so don't even try. Just validate her feelings and let her find her own way. Be assured that the A won't last.
I spent the first 3 weeks doing what you are doing. Freaking out and pushing her for answers and commitments to work on the M. It just got worse and worse until I stopped and decided to just be nice to her. Since then, she has not yet returned, but thing are getting better. She now calls me or emails me every day, she lives in a little dump of a place, has no money, has a POS car and is having panic attacks. I just keep being nice to her and being there for her.
Take some time and read the resources on the MLC forum. See if they fit your W.
Understand that you are not likely to fix this any time soon. The problems didn't happen over night and they won't be fixed over night either.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
You are wonderful. If I were her I couldn't wait to get back to you. We don't know what we've got till it's gone as they say. The A won't last? I'm beginning to think it will last as long as we live together. H hasn't the guts to take responsibility and go. I'm too weak to tell him to go.
You are wonderful. If I were her I couldn't wait to get back to you. We don't know what we've got till it's gone as they say. The A won't last? I'm beginning to think it will last as long as we live together. H hasn't the guts to take responsibility and go. I'm too weak to tell him to go.
Keep posting, bar having problems with my comnnection, sorry if this appears in triplicate
Bar, I say the the A won't last because by definition, it is an R between 2 damaged people. Your H is a Husband and father who is winningly committing adultery and the OW is a Woman who is after a man who is married and has children. Not a recipe for a lasting R.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
