Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[Dom R]

No I do not think she's trying to manipulate me with the sep agreement. We've talked about it a lot and I readily admit I am the biggest reason it's not done. I've ignored it, gotten angry about it and all because I don't want a divorce.

How does that equate to you, "hold[ing] the agreement over her head" ??? that does not add up.
She's the one who wants it. She IS manipulating you to get it done with.

It's time for me to step up and accept everything that is happening and has happened in our lives. An early step in the healing process is getting this done.

Umm.. how and why do you need to "accept everything that has happened"? "accepting" means "its ok that your wife wants to be separated from you, and probably get a divorce from you".
catfan.. you really need to get your head cleared, guy, and stop breathing in the smoke she's blowing in your face :(...
In no way, shape or form, does writing up a separation agreement, "help the healing process", unless the "healing process" you want done, is to get a divorce from a person that makes you unhappy, and find someone else.

If you believe it's important to get the separation agreement out of the way, that's your choice. Please dont delude yourself as to its purpose, though. A "separation agreement", is to cement a separation. Not marital reconciliation.

reconciliation may happen in spite of that. She might change her mind once she doesnt have that to fight about.
But the odds are against it. It truely sounds like she's just playing along with counselling, to "play nice", so that you'll give her the separation agreement she wants. This is a really really common thing.
"going to councelling" does not in any way mean she will actually cooperate in it. One of the worst things that can happen, (judging by some peoples' marital histories that I've read) is dragging a person into counselling, who isnt really motivated to try. It makes them even more resistant to it, when the timing is better.
Go too early, they'll sit there and be non-cooperative, and no progress will be made. Then quit, becuase "it isnt working".
And then later on when it might have otherwise been GOOD to go to counselling, "well, we tried that, and it didnt work. I'm not going to do that again".

She's going, because she wants the separation agreement done. Not because she actually wants to work on your marriage/relationship.
You jumped into it too early.

Anyone wanna back me up on this?



I'll note you didnt reply to my point about "someone sincere about trying counselling, etc., doesnt need a separation agreement".


I'm glad to hear that the OM has moved away. That's really great news, and I'm happy for you on that.