Detach. It's something you need to do for yourself, and it's something you'll need to continue to do if you make it to piecing. Detaching is about recognizing that you can't control H, that you love yourself, that you're okay no matter what, and that H's actions are his choices and his problems.
I know the anger and the hurt. I understand the fear. However, if you don't risk, then you won't have the opportunity to grow and get what you want most. This goes for whether you and H work it out or some other guy comes along in your future. I held on to my fear and hurt a good 10-months into piecing, and not only did it keep a wall up to keep me "safe" (in quotes because it's not true), but I hurt myself every day of those 10 months thinking about OW.
So, detach. Let any notion of control over anyone but yourself go. Work on yourself, make YOU your source of happiness and strength. Your H needs to do the same, needs to work on himself by his own choice and not because we can tell him the 1000 things that are screwy about him since he was sooo polite as to tell us how horrible we were. (That still irritates me...but I recognize that's my issue!)
Breathe. Get busy. Go for a walk. Remember, YOU HAVE CHOICES. You are NOT a victim. You are valuable already, right now, without changing another thing. Flawed? Yep, just like the rest of the human race. Work on your PMA and GAL. This is the rest of your life, with H or not. PMA/GAL/detaching...good LIFE strategies.
Take care!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
