Hmm, This is a tough one. She hasn't really been steering the ship, rather we both have. She was once a borderline militant feminist, Gloria Steinham zealot etc. Growing up, having kids, trying to balance kids and career and got knows what else has moved her all the way to the other end of the spectrum politically and ideologically. In our early years I allowed her to have too much control of the direction, mostly to keep the fur from flying. These days, she's not so keen on having the control, but it has been a slow process for me to take it back. Old habits and all. I'm sure it doesn't help that my Mom steers the ship in my FOO. Anyway, she lately seems to be pretty willing to let go of the tiller so maybe the issue is mostly in my head.
Now that I've written that, I just realized that I kind of missed the point. I think you were talking about my emotions and reactions to my emotions, not so much about running the household. With that in mind, then yes, she still does control how I react, and that is ONLY BECAUSE I ALLOW IT! (lightbulb) I have been making baby steps with taking back that part, but frequently having to slap myself to remind me that I have to be honest with how I feel. I am finding when I ask myself, that a lot of times I don't really know what I truely want.
The resistance from her seems to be taking the shape of many I'm sorry's (something I am guilty of too, and trying hard to break, thanks to a post here a few weeks ago), and petulence. I guess I need to stop rescuing her from that and call her on the superfluous I'm sorries. In other words, build up an immunity to that tactic.
So I think I've already got a bit of a jump on the questions at the end of the chapter for lesson 1. Lesson 2, on the other hand, was the 'surprise' lesson for me. I've got to ruminate on that for a while, because frankly, I don't know where I want to end up other than someplace other than where I am now. Google maps won't give me directions to "anywhere but here", and for good reason. I guess your point there is that I need to decide where I want to go before I can chart a course out of here. Wow!
--GGB, excited, yet scared senseless takes a seat on the rug, ready to learn.
