back to square -1 or -10000

[Sara]

Hi Cat,

Sorry this is happening. I hope he will pull it together. He sounds so wishy washy. Probably trying to please two women at once. I'm always amused when they try to outsmart us, but simply don't.

[Delil@h]

Good morning sweetie.... so sorry to read he is still "stuck" in this pattern. You are still in my thoughts and prayers... let us know how you are doing.
~God bless.....

[cat03]

thanks gals, I can put up with his trying to find himself, with him being depressed, anything of that matter, but not with his indesicion in regards to op, I won't stick around while he is still trying to keep her out there in anyway (friend,etc)

Have not had a call either today, I didn't even try to call him, I wont. He is in town now and soon he'll be out of court and won't work til past noon, so if he has half a spine he'll drop by my work to explain himself.

[Aud31]

the C told me HE , H, had to have said that , NOT me

Cat--for some reason this hit me really hard this morning. I think this is the hardest thing about M, especially in our sitches, but it's the nitty-gritty bare naked truth of the matter.

Our instinct (even when we know better) is to try to encourage/influence/force our Hs to do/say/think/be what we want and need them so desperately to be, but they can never truly be ours if they don't commit on their own.

I just read on another thread the comment that nearly all marriages are salvageable after infidelity, but that often the WAS doesn't make that ultimate realization until after the LBS has given up and moved on. Grrr.

Anyway, don't tell yourself you spoke too soon. You know as well as any of us that this is a back-and-forth experience. The prognosis can change daily, hourly, every other minute.

I know you're already doing it, but just detach, let go of your expectations, and be patient. ((hugs))

[cat03]

hey Aud, thanks for your wordsI'm just sick, I had scrapped two txt msgs in which I tell him this is over, I write them... but then I just can't send him, in a very very stupid way I'm giving him yet another chance to explain himself. I dont know what to think, the phone records said he hasnt'called or txt anyone since yesterday ( 2hrs after he txt me last)
For a while I thought something might've happened by now, but I'm sure I would've learned of that already.

We had such a good talk on Monday and now back to the nasty limbo, we were not supposed to see each other 'til Friday, but, since he was even txting me from the beach I can't believe he hasn't contact me. He is off still, and not one call, didn't come by. Is he still thinking? has he changed his mind completly and gone back with her?

WIsh he'd tell me one way or another, this is driving me CRAZY, I refuse to call him and do the chasing, but it is making me physically ill to be waiting like this after what I thought was a decision from him.

This is maddening, if I could I'd get a dr appt now for zoloft or something.

[RedHeadWife]

Cat, just letting you know I'm thinking of you. I know the "not knowing" is the worst. I'm glad though that you have the self control to not call or contact him. You have to stay strong and make him fight & work for you! He's got to decide what he wants and he needs to do that on his own w/ no persuasion from you either way.

[cat03]

thanks sweety, I do try to pray hard and do what I do to make me feel peaceful, today has been specially hard. I have hardly eaten all week, I had better some lost pounds at least something good has to happen to me! :P

[Aud31]

in a very very stupid way I'm giving him yet another chance to explain himself

I've been over this one in my head a thousand times. Why does he get second/third/fourth chances? Is it because I'm too stupid/trusting/weak to let consequences fall where they should (according to friends/family/society)?

I keep coming back to this: I am not weak (NOR ARE YOU CAT). I am strong. Do I deserve this? Heck no. But I can walk through waist-deep cr*p for as long as I have to to spare my kids from the turmoil of a split family. This does not mean I lay on the floor and allow him to walk all over me, but it does mean that I can set my boundaries, stand up for myself and GAL until something changes at least.

Am I perfect at this? I wish. Is it hard? You know it is. But it's worth it. You are not stupid for keeping the door open a crack. It's what you've been fighting for for a long time.

Don't even play with the txts. Find something, anything that helps you get your attention off the whirlpool of expectation, assumption and anguish swirling around in your head.

[cat03]

thanks Aud, yes hon, you are right--looking at my little treasures I realize that yes, I can be strong for them. Guess what? just heard from him.

1rst txt "the phone's been messing up" 2nd "would you like to have lunch tomorrow?"

Well, apparently he just decided not to contact me until today (to give himself time to think I guess?) and on my end I declared it doomsday *SIGH*

Guess I'm still in chasing mode, hard to break bad habits. I also forget that all of us, specially men vs. women process things at a different pace. I still have my chess set, all set up, and expect him to say this and that and to act this way and that.

I shut my trap, didnt' ask why he didnt' call, didn't recall the unanswered questions about op anymore, just told him I assumed he wasn't ready to talk about them and maybe he can bring that subject up to the C tomorrow. We'll have lunch.

*breath in* *breath out* jeez....

[cat03]

Did I mentioned my hair is falling a lot? what the heck, I'm still putting highlights on them this weekend, even if I ended up with a handful of it