I started off with a beginners mind but now I tend to see the reality and really feel it at times. I decided to take a break from the DB forum because at times the advice is not the way I see it and when a discussion forms around it I feel torn about what to do. I need to stay clos to me...
This past week I reread my sitchand just read so many positives it helped. I think part of my difficulty in seeing things from a beginners mind is that I am starting to feel a lot of resentment. At times I want him to hurt the way he hurt me and I know this is not the way to get what I want!!! I'm struggling to find a way to deal with the resentment.
I'd love to start with a beginners mind again but I'm not sure how to do this. I feel pressure because DH will be moving into an apprt in our house next month....
There is another issue I can not get over and causes me to spiral downwards. I have talked about it with a lot of people who know about this stuff but the longer I'm in this limbo the harder it gets to let go of this issue... My fathers wife told me 15 years ago she went to see this very gifted clearvoyent and he said that the relationship I was in at that time would end and i would meet this spiritual great guy and stay with him for a long time (not sure but even said we would have a child) and we would break up aswell. I was shellshocked and devastated after she told me. At that time I had known her for a month and never asked her to ask about me and she never asked my permission to ask about me either. She really dropped the bomb. I did break off the other R. I always knew it was not serious enough... and now 12 years along the line with this great guy he leaves us. I feel a lot of resentment towards my dad's wife. i never understood why she asked about me and would like to share such a negative future for me to me. This really gets me down. My therapist told me i never saw the clearvoyent myself and so many things can happen in the 15 years to alter the course I should let it go. But it keeps nagging me and bringing me down when i'm at a low point. My therapist tells me we are making a new future with DH and creating a new M. So there might be some truth to the breaking up part but the reconciliation part is still to come...Wow..i just came up with this...LOL Sometimes writing helps you get out of your thinking pattern...
