Is BB the kind of person that likes to be good at something immediately otherwise she won't try?
When I first started out on this sexuality road, I didn't O at all. I just went through the motions and wondered what all the fuss was about. Then one day I met a guy and dated him and ended up in bed and somehow or other he rocked my world. It was only that one time with him as he wasn't a long time BF but he clued me in to the fact that it can be a pretty wild ride and that all my equipment was in perfect working order (I will be eternally grateful to him). Then I dated a few more guys but no dice. Then I met xBF and he just wouldn't give up. We would have sex and I wouldn't O, so next time he would try something different, and when that didn't work he would try something else. But I was more than happy to experiment along with him. I wasn't just thinking hey ho I'm obviously not someone that finds sex all that much fun I don't know why he's bothering. And sure enough after a few times we started to get the hang of it and anyway you've heard enough details about how it's been for me.
But what I'm trying to say is that if BB is the kind of person who likes to get things right first time. If she likes to cook a recipe and for it to turn out right, and not have to tweak it and play around with it (like Corri was saying on her thread) then maybe she just sees sex as an area of failure for her. She knows (she must have read Cosmo a couple of times) so she knows that there are women out there having the time of their lives in the bedroom, so acting like ALL woman just want to be held is her saying "I'm rubbish at this and I don't really want to bother about it"
While I can't have multiple "O's" at one time, sometimes when I have one, I want another one in a couple of hours.
See right here you have the capacity to rock her world if she would let you. Back in the days when xBF would work so hard to get my mojo working I recall a time when we had been going at it all afternoon and nothing was happening for me. It was like almost, almost but nothing and I was starting to get a bit sore. So in the end he just finished and I went and had a bath. Well after an hour of soaking in the tub I came back to the bedroom to find him ready and waiting for me AGAIN. So we started fooling around again and within about 5 minutes KERCHINGGGG jackpot and there was me with a grin on my face that wouldn't wipe off for about a week.
So what I'm saying here is sometimes it can take a little time to get a woman's engine running but having warmed the engine up a little it really is a bit of a shame to let it go cold again. Which is why, Lou, you do need to be a bit more of a pirate sometimes and not let her deflections grind you down.
Can you tell I'm determined to get you off that kiddy ride and onto the roller-coaster
No wonder BB says she shouldn't have to bother at her age, she probably feels damn silly as a mature adult sitting on that kiddy ride.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I would have to add that back when I was on the kiddy ride there were a few times I "faked" it. Not proud of this but H was working so hard and I felt like I or my body was letting him down. I had a lot of inhibitions combined with thoughts of how I was supposed to act. It took a lot of internal dialogue & help from H to get rid of the junk in my brain and just enjoy the ride. H is a little jealous of my multiples to his one but then I tell him I am making up for lost time or we do it again. Lou, I would also believe BB when she says "she doesn't know" A lot of my female friends have never O'd and don't know how and because of this are LD or not very interested.
Last edited by LikeItHot; 08/16/0711:55 AM.
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)
Hmm, this thread is interesting to me as well. MrsGGB is good for only one "O", if that. I don't think she's ever had a big O, as she stops me when it starts getting good. She gets panicky if I get her started on a good roll. She's actually said on more than one occasion that she doesn't understand the big fuss about sex. It probably doesn't help with me being pushy or getting petulant (both of which I am working hard to avoid doing).
Was it Mrs GGB who feels like she has to pee when she's approaching O? It sounds like she's afraid of letting go or losing control, which would make having an O difficult or impossible.
Is she also emotionally avoidant? It's hard to keep everyone straight here. I'd suggest talking to her about her panicky feelings, but I suppose she wouldn't want to talk about it.
Is she worried about getting pg again? That would certainly make it difficult for her to let go and get into it.
You said she stops you when it starts getting good. Is she getting manual stimulation during this time, or IC?
Sorry if I'm asking the same old questions that have been asked/answered before.
MrsCAC4, No problem, It is hard to keep everyone straight here. She is indeed the one who feels like she's got to pee when she's approaching an O, and as far as I've been able to determine, that feeling of having to pee is what gets her panicky. I get her closest to an O with oral. She's usually asking for IC as soon as she starts to get warmed up, but IC generally will not get her going as good. I'm not sure if pg comes into it, in fact I think I am more worried about it than she is: the only time of the month she has any interest in sex is the day or so around when she is fertile, and in that case it is me saying no, we can't have IC then.
So, does this mean that she's never had an O? Or are you (or she) not sure? So, you're doing oral on her, she gets a certain point, she stops you, then what? Do you proceed to IC? Does she keep going toward O or does it just drop off for her, you O, and then you're done?
She's usually asking for IC as soon as she starts to get warmed up, but IC generally will not get her going as good.
She wants to go right to IC before she's sufficiently warmed up enough to O? And then the IC isn't enough stimulation to maintain her arousal?
I'm not sure if pg comes into it, in fact I think I am more worried about it than she is: the only time of the month she has any interest in sex is the day or so around when she is fertile, and in that case it is me saying no, we can't have IC then.
She has interest when she is fertile because of hormones. I experience the same thing. Even before I started examining my own issues, I realized that I was always up for sex during my fertile time, regardless of what was going on in our R. Whatever issues I had at other times of the month that may have prevented me from initiating/having sex just don't exist during that fertile time.
Do you give her oral during her fertile time? Could you both just "do" each other with no IC? I would think that this would be the best time for her to explore her fears about Oing, as her inhibitions would be at their lowest point.
No she gets to a certain point, gets panicky, says I have to stop, and then it is game over..."roll over and go to sleep, I'm done, sorry, I'll take care of you tomorrow".
If we go directly to IC, she enjoys herself usually, but she also isn't getting as worked up as she does with a good session of oral. She says she O's but if she does they are small ones.
Pretty much all of the sexual interaction is during her fertile time or in the day or so before she gets her period. The rest of the time, she isn't interested and more or less avoids it (staying up late etc).
I'm sorry to hear this, GGB. I would imagine it is very frustrating for you to get her (and you) worked up and then have her shut it down and refuse to continue. It's pretty crappy. Have you talked to her about this, how you feel when this happens?
This may be a "duh" question, but if you go to IC, does it seem that she's not that into it and so it's not as enjoyable for you? That she seems more "willing" than "desirous?" Is that why you continue to pursue oral, because if you go directly to IC it feels like you're "settling?" During IC she doesn't get as aroused, so she doesn't feel panicky and she allows it to continue to the end? Does she start out being interested in oral? Or has she expressed a preference for IC instead because it's less "scary?"
I have my own panicky feelings that I think I'll elaborate on in my thread. It will answer some of Cobra's questions that I never answered last week.
Fran Is BB the kind of person that likes to be good at something immediately otherwise she won't try? Yes.
She uses examples of not doing something proficiently as reasons to quit. She wasn’t understanding some computer commands and procedures and used the introduction of computers, and her lack of ability to learn, as a reason to retire early. BTW, other women did the same thing.
When I first started out on this sexuality road, I didn't O at all. I just went through the motions and wondered what all the fuss was about. I can imagine BB feeling similar but she had a strong need to be with someone. A strong case of fear of abandonment. I know her SD was high in our early years, or was it mine was high too but I constantly had the brakes on my SD for fear of getting her PG and marrying BB when the finances were poor.
Then one day I met a guy and dated him and ended up in bed and somehow or other he rocked my world. It was only that one time with him as he wasn't a long time BF but he clued me in to the fact that it can be a pretty wild ride and that all my equipment was in perfect working order (I will be eternally grateful to him). The teacher/mentor sex partner? Sounds great. I can see where something like that happening to me would have helped.
In some ways, BB was my break-through sex partner. No sex partners before or after her.
I met xBF and he just wouldn't give up. We would have sex and I wouldn't O, so next time he would try something different, and when that didn't work he would try something else. But I was more than happy to experiment along with him. I wasn't just thinking hey ho I'm obviously not someone that finds sex all that much fun I don't know why he's bothering. And sure enough after a few times we started to get the hang of it and anyway you've heard enough details about how it's been for me. I see now where I should have tried more things. All of the things I heard about most women not liking sex that much, I had in the back of my mind a nagging thought that I shouldn’t be a pest, and if BB said she didn’t want to do something, I should respect her feelings.
But what I'm trying to say is that if BB is the kind of person who likes to get things right first time. If she likes to cook a recipe and for it to turn out right, and not have to tweak it and play around with it (like Corri was saying on her thread) then maybe she just sees sex as an area of failure for her. I won’t say she gives up after the first unsuccessful try, but most times she only tries something a couple of times and that is it.
We have invited people out to dinner a few times and they said they would like to go but something seems to come up so the gathering never takes place. After a few invites, BB doesn’t want to go out to dinner with these people. BB tells me if they wanted to go out with us, they would make time. I said people have things to do with their family/kids/grandkids and that is more important tha going out with us. BB said I act like I am buying their friendship.
She knows (she must have read Cosmo a couple of times) so she knows that there are women out there having the time of their lives in the bedroom I will say this was true when we were younger. I can see where I was the one that was too focused on earning a living and paying for things we bought or wanted. I can see now, there were times all of my FOO messages that women don’t like X, Y, Z and if you want to be respected by your W, don’t ask or push the envelope of what is very comfortable and considered normal in most respectable marriages.
I was interested in more frequency and variety but was under the impression, it was not the right thing to do.
One of our problems back when sex was good, was timing. Like your H, I worked a lot and considered getting the work done, the first priority. By the time the work for the day was done, BB was tired and went to bed. I came to bed later but she was not in the mood. A couple of years ago she told me she was climbing the walls, wanting sex and I had no clue it was sex she was after. I heard and saw someone that wanted a teddy bear to cuddle with.
All I saw was someone so tired, she wanted to take her teddy to bed sleep was the only possible thing she wanted. I tried to have sex with her several times back then but I felt like a pest.
To avoid feeling like a pest, sometimes I stayed up later and later and just took care of myself. I am still doing that. I tried going to bed at the same time for about a year, but got back to feeling like a pest. I tried other things, but nothing seems to work more than a couple of times.
That sort of ties into BB not wanting to try something unless she thinks it worked well enough to pass her long list of requirements, and pass her long list of “can’t be/have” disqualifiers.
The easy way out and her lists are two major reasons our R isn’t better. Of course, I am not a liberal spender, always buying something new, and a neat person like she prefers.
ALL woman just want to be held is her saying "I'm rubbish at this and I don't really want to bother about it" BB brings up age related reasons for no sex drive. However they don’t apply when she lost interest in 1981
Lou [i] While I can't have multiple "O's" at one time, sometimes when I have one, I want another one in a couple of hours…[/I .See right here you have the capacity to rock her world if she would let you. The operative words might be allow me to try, willing to give it a try or like Mojo said ~good intentions~/ game/giving spirited.
BB story is no one can make anyone like something they have little interest in.
Back in the days when xBF would work so hard to get my mojo working I recall a time when we had been going at it all afternoon and nothing was happening for me. It was like almost, almost but nothing and I was starting to get a bit sore. So in the end he just finished and I went and had a bath. Well after an hour of soaking in the tub I came back to the bedroom to find him ready and waiting for me AGAIN. So we started fooling around again and within about 5 minutes KERCHINGGGG jackpot and there was me with a grin on my face that wouldn't wipe off for about a week. I see where I should have been more like your XBF. BB wasn’t that willing to try again most of the times and I wasn’t one to make a pest out of myself.
So what I'm saying here is sometimes it can take a little time to get a woman's engine running but having warmed the engine up a little it really is a bit of a shame to let it go cold again. Which is why, Lou, you do need to be a bit more of a pirate sometimes and not let her deflections grind you down. Fran, I can see that working in the past as something I should have done.
One of the things BB did tell me recently (and I have asked many times before only to get an “I don’t know”) was that once I came, she sort of felt sex was over for a day or two. She did get sore a couple of times and realizing that, I didn’t posh the issue. I had the wrong ideas about what got a woman off. All I knew was penis in vagina and moving in and out.
Clit? What is that? Oh some magical mystery thing no one can see or feel? I was unknowledgeable back then. And now there are sites all over the Internet explaining what works for some women. http://www.femelle.com/bettersex/woman-orgasm.html and videos dispelling myths and reinforcing beliefs that sex is or can be fun for both genders.
Can you tell I'm determined to get you off that kiddy ride and onto the roller-coaster Yes, I can tell. The 64$ question is, ”does BB want to get off?”
No wonder BB says she shouldn't have to bother at her age, she probably feels damn silly as a mature adult sitting on that kiddy ride. Maybe she feels silly being near the kiddy ride and thinks any ride is for someone younger.
I will say, when it comes to her pets, BB goes all out. No giving up after a few tries. Some times it is like they are her kids or she is the owner of a company that holds pets in high esteem.
I was hot last month and on a few days, she wanted the air conditioning on for them.
LikeItHot Lou, I would also believe BB when she says "she doesn't know" A lot of my female friends have never O'd and don't know how and because of this are LD or not very interested. BB used to “O” but that was before I had my back surgery and was off from work in 1981.
LIH, I do believe BB doesn’t know what might feel good to her other than back and foot rubs, but they put her to sleep. What reves her up? I have ideas but when I advance on my ideas, BB puts up walls.
GGB She's actually said on more than one occasion that she doesn't understand the big fuss about sex. It probably doesn't help with me being pushy or getting petulant= Unreasonably irritable or ill-tempered; peevish (both of which I am working hard to avoid doing). About the same here GGB
I'm not sure if pg comes into it, in fact I think I am more worried about it than she is: the only time of the month she has any interest in sex is the day or so around when she is fertile, and in that case it is me saying no, we can't have IC then. Well, fear (not married at the time) and concern if she and I would be on overload with ka potential kid #3 did play a part in cooling the sex drive for me/us.
Pretty much all of the sexual interaction is during……..the day or so before she gets her period The day or so before she gets her period was when BB was the most interested in sex.
mrs.cac4 Is she worried about getting pg again? I won’t answer for GGB, but that was an issue for me even though BB was on birth control for many years, then she had her tubes cut and tied. BB even talked about the remote chance of her tubes growing back together and becoming PG.
MrsCac4, Yep, it is frustrating for me, and I think for her too because she feels guilty for getting "worn out". We've talked about it some, but at the wrong time. Talking to her after she shuts down is definitely the wrong time. She feels guilty and a bit inadequate about it, doesn't understand it, and feels it is just the way she is.
When we go to IC, she's always in a rush to get it going. If I can hold her off, she seems to get hotter. She doesn't care for oral most of the time, I think because she associates it with the panic feeling. She also has mentioned several times that she doesn't think its fair to ask me for it because she thinks it is gross (I'm not allowed kiss her on the mouth afterwards). So I think it is a combination of less scary and less "icky" to her. I'll look for your comments on your thread.
