That's what the church sign said that I passed when I was driving back to the apartment from H's house a little while ago. I just went over there to drop off S14 for the night but ended up staying for 2 hours. He put that damn hat on and he knows I'm going to start flirting with him.... We sufficiently grossed out both kids so we still got 'it', whatever it is.
Somehow there was a point he started talking about his bills and how he's struggling. He showed me a pretty impressive stack of bills he hasn't paid this month. I told him I understand, I'm in the same boat. He said "There's got to be a better way..."
So I'm thinking maybe I'll tell him I know one...
I'm picking up both kids tomorrow evening for an ice cream social for S14's ROTC class. H asked me to come by early and have dinner with them.
The office is closed tomorrow for my boss's husband's funeral so I'm going over there after I go to that.
"Risk more. Worry less"
Sounds remarkably similar to something Jesus used to tell me.
Good luck, Amy. Sometimes we have to be practical. It may not be the most romantic way, but we can make up for romance if we put our minds to it. I am glad you have hope so do not lose it no matter what he says.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
That's what the church sign said that I passed when I was driving back to the apartment from H's house a little while ago. I just went over there to drop off S14 for the night but ended up staying for 2 hours. He put that damn hat on and he knows I'm going to start flirting with him.... We sufficiently grossed out both kids so we still got 'it', whatever it is.
Somehow there was a point he started talking about his bills and how he's struggling. He showed me a pretty impressive stack of bills he hasn't paid this month. I told him I understand, I'm in the same boat. He said "There's got to be a better way..."
So I'm thinking maybe I'll tell him I know one...
I'm picking up both kids tomorrow evening for an ice cream social for S14's ROTC class. H asked me to come by early and have dinner with them.
The office is closed tomorrow for my boss's husband's funeral so I'm going over there after I go to that.
"Risk more. Worry less"
Sounds remarkably similar to something Jesus used to tell me.
Die to self...
I can't wait to read your updates!!!!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Amy, as I said before you have to make sure you have done everything and you just noticed that no you haven't done everything.
Now I'll finally speak about my impressions. It seems you both want to be back together but somehow are scared of the future or unwilling to "lose". I have heard this a bit too much on this board and in a local separation/divorce group I am in. People let pride get in the way of what's right and what's best so they ultimately have regret and more pain. So time for you to go out on that limb submit the solution in a loving, cooperative way. Let him feel like he's not losing or anyone for that fact but that everyone is winning. Hey if its the financial situation that begins the process who's to argue? Just don't let it be the only reason.
Good luck my friend!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I am going to try my best to cram everything since Thursday into one post and not forget anything. It's nothing big so don't get all excited.
I went over to the house late Thursday and had dinner with Jeff and the kids before the ice cream social. It was nice. Casual and a little rushed so we could leave on time. When we got back, Jeff had gone to his friends house to help him move a boat. D11 promptly got on the phone and S14 hit the couch. I washed the dishes. After a half hour or so he came in and was in a good mood. Lots of flirting and teasing ensued. The usual banter with the kids ending up mortified. He had on the hat. Unfortunately, I was kinda tired and had the beginnings of a headache or I might have grabbed the bull by the horns then. Lesson learned. At any rate, S14 and I got home about 10:30 or so if I recall correctly. Friday I picked up D11 and took her skating. H was still at work. I left a note that I would be back by to leave a little money for her because she was going to Kings Dominion with the neighbors on Saturday. I figured if I gave her $15 and he gave her $15 that would be more than enough for her to blow since her ticket and lunch were paid for. When I stopped back by, I did not stay long as it was apparent he was tired. I said I'd see him later and left. All was well. Saturday night about 10:30 I called to see if she was back from KD. She answered the phone. I asked about her day and she had a great time of course. I asked her how Dad was, did he have a rough day at work and she said "I don't know. He's not here". I hesitated and said "what do you mean he's not there? Have you called his cell?" She said "He left a note". I said "what did the note say?" She said it said he was "going out to the hoochie bars and will be home later". Now my mind is flipping at this point but I'm TOTALLY cool, I swear. Next thing I know she AND HER DAD bust out laughing. They had played a little joke on me. Not sure if I passed or failed.....I playfully gave them both crap for bringing out the green eyed monster and we hung up because it was getting late. Where the heck he got the idea to screw with me like that, I have NO idea...
Yesterday, S14 and I went over there during the day since he was working. Basically I go to keep her company or take her somewhere if I can because he works 12 hours. Anyway, I took my scrapbook with me and finished it. At one point - here's where you'll have to excuse me while I puke - I was standing in front of the refrigerator looking at the calendar and I noticed on August 11th it said "BL was here". I turned to my daughter who seemed to have known what I saw and I just said "who is BL?". She said "Betty Lynn. A friend of Dad's since he was 15 years old". I just stood there and I thought I was fine but the kid must have seen the emotions flash across my face because she said "Now mom, they're ONLY friends! She spent the night and Dad SLEPT ON THE COUCH". Needless to say that did not help matters but she said the woman (not my first term of choice) lives in Suffolk and that's a long way away so...okay. I was freaking out on the outside. The inside was another story entirely in those first moments.
I got over it quickly though the initial shock did throw me for a freakin loop I never saw coming.
He got home and we were watching deer play in the field next to the house. I was clearing out my scrapbook stuff kinda hurriedly because sometimes I feel like I don't want to get in the way. Once I had my purse on my arm and my stuff in my hands, he started to talk. That led us into a conversation with D11 about a 15 year old boy she's talking to which her brother informed us has been in a lot of trouble. We put the smackdown on that friendship real quick and then S14 and I left.
Now here's my dilemma tonight...
One, I am absolutely not at peace over the decision to tell D11 she couldn't even talk to this boy. Instinct tells me stick to my guns and that's what I am going to do. What troubles me is that he has told her he's not into all that "bad stuff" anymore and that those things "were not smart to do". People deserve second chances, right? You feel me on this and know where I'm speaking from, I'm sure. Make no mistake though, D11 won't be within 50 feet of this kid. But what about the people who really change and just need someone to believe in them to turn it all around...what about young people that screw up and no one ever expects better of them anymore...this is also stemming from the work I do in which I see so many screwed up kids in and out of the system. I don't want to make broad sweeping judgments but I won't let my daughter be someone's guinea pig either.
Now my real dilemma. I've called the house and no one is home
Care to guess what I'm thinking?
It ain't cool. It makes me sick.
But I won't stand still through it, I guarantee you that.
If a man is done with a woman, they don't flirt with them. If there aren't any feelings, minutes don't turn into hours just talking.
But what if I've just been an ear? What if he was just practicing flirting to keep in the game?
What if he is attracted to her?
That is the only thought that makes me cry.
It might be 100% innocent but I promise, she's never seen anybody cut in like I am about to.
At this point, I think there is way too little to get too worked up about. I really do. I'd stay alert, but leaving it on the calendar, and your daughter knowing about it, it just doesn't feel sneaky enough to be an issue. I think you let it go. At the same time, I've been thinking, and even saying, for a while that it might be time for you to 'cut in', so as far as that part of the plan, I like it. It sounds to me like Jeff's general outlook is improving now that he is working. Am I hearing right?
As far as noone home now, could they be asleep with the phone off, or maybe doing something loud enough not to hear the phone?
On to your daughter. In my opinion, it doesn;t even really matter whether the kid has been in a lot of trouble or not, 15 to 11 is way, way too much difference for her to hardly even talk to him. But, making it absolutely forbidden strikes me as a sure way to drive it underground, which can't end well. So, maybe there is some sort of compromise to be reached. I would think that it won't take long for a 15 year old to loose interest, as long as things are being watched carefully.
Needless to say that did not help matters but she said the woman (not my first term of choice) lives in Suffolk and that's a long way away so...okay. I was freaking out on the outside. The inside was another story entirely in those first moments.