I totally agree that my Behavior has been "co dependent " to some extent..... I foolishly thought well things are better and I am stronger so .... I am not "enabling him" WRONG!
And when I did not behave like this he has pulled up the stakes and tried to get Me to "play" his game again. Well so far I have not been playing the game anymore.... this past Weekend another threat to leave that he wasnt HAPPY! ( he was waiting for me to beg and plead and cry and beg some more..... I NEVER DID !)
HE WENT TO RUN SOME ERRANDS and I took the kids to run some of my own and the kids and I were back and forth for a bit. I just went about my day as if he werent a part of it and I NEVER act this way.... ( hey if he was going to leave then leave.... my Life will go on.... I'd prefer it be with him and Happy but if not then so be it)
Just a bit later he arrived and wanted to talk.... I got everything off my chest and said I was soooooooooooooo tired of his cruelty, the way his words cut like a knife and how HE keeps going and going ~especially in front of the kids....... tired of him waving that he is leaving in my face all the time and at any sign of stress..... I said Today it is my S16 ( excuse to leave ) and in 2 years when he is gone ? WHAT THEN xxxxxx?
~God forbid there is a fire in the house or any other stress you will bolt. I have had enough of it. Do you realize what you are doing to me ? I AM HUMAN last time I LOOKED! And I cant take this anymore..... YOU ARE KILLING ME AND this M in one shot and if you do not want to be here so be it........ I am not as Happy as you seem to believe I am .... but unlike you I do not use other reasons for an excuse...... You do what you have to do and I will do what I have to also.... you need to change. I will no longer allow you to treat me this way. I am done.
I said lots more but I cant remember.... and the weird thing was that I wasnt scared to say it cause then he may leave..... the walking on eggshell thing .... scr*W that..... I just told him everything... and about the drinking and going out too!
I have to admit I just thought of it... he has not been cruel since.... but trust me I am not holding my breath either.... and he knows this too. He stayed home all weekend .... that is a first in over 2 months... again not getting my hopes up.
I am not going to turn into some bitter hag but I am not also going to wait and hang on his every word either...... I am loving him from a distance and it feels safe so far..
he even explained the whole Phone call from that Woman thing... we talked a lot @ that subject too.
I agree with all of you.. he really does not deserve another chance and he really did not last year either when he blatantly lied to me and kept me on a string when all the while ( during separation) he had OW.
Even though he is here..... I am not torturing myself to go overboard and try soooooooooooooo hard anymore.... and Mediocre..... not thats not me.... but bending over backwards..... I have stopped that for sure.... I talked to him also @ STDs ..... says I need not worry cause he did not cheat on me...... I do believe him. and I am quite sure he knows now that I am not going to stand for this anymore... I dunno who posted it to me but it plays on my head....
DO NOT VOLUNTEER TO BE TREATED THIS WAY... I am not volunteering anymore......
I dunno if I am doing the right thing by standing or not it just feels RIGHT. I also feel like I am not ready to give up and I cannot just let this M die w/o a fight.... what I do know is I am going to try one more time and if he cant fix himself then ..... I will have to .... let go once and for all. DUNNO IF I MADE SENSE.... I love you all and so appreciate your support.... my Brother is as we speak going thru a seperation that makse my troubles seem like a Cake Walk..... my 1 year old Nephew just looks sooooo, sooooooooooooo SAD!
Tear apart my Family cause my H will not change.... will not look in the mirror and change? He will have to change when he sees what used to work no longer does...well at least I am not going to react to it anymore if he starts again this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!! I will just have a great time with my KIDS.... we have a Birthday Party to go to, A Pinata... the kids are going to have a blast,,,,
~at this time I cant just Walk Away, but yes IF he continues to act this way he will have to leave..... ~God bless...
