Thanks for the sites...will definately check them out...It is refreshing to have this site to go to, I hate that anyone has ever had to go through this, but it is comforting to know I am not alone. Talking with friends and having this new family really does help me to cope. I have had a bad day today, cried uncontrollably on my H and could not stop. he was very understanding and held me and let me cry. Sometimes it just helps to cry. I sometimes can not help the thoughts of him touching the Ow and when he touches me I wonder did he touch her like that....did he look at her like that...did he say those things to her like he does to me??? I can not turn that part of my brain off...and I sure do wish I could. I feel so much anger at times...how could he do this to me....He told me he loves me...why would anyone do this to someone they love???? He is starting to realize that when I do vent that it is not to get back at him or to make him feel bad, it is just venting. I guess that is another tiny step in the right direction. He says that he wants this to work and if it makes me feel better to vent then vent. He even cries with me....somthing he never would have let me see before.
M 35 H 44 D 21,D 18,D 17, D 15, D 13, D 11, D 10, S 9 BOMB DROPPED 7/16/07 STILL TOGETHER, TRYING TO WORK IT OUT H ENDED A WITH Ow 7/15/07
I feel like Imay be rambling but want to vent a little....this started as a game to my H, meet women online and chat a little, get them to fall for him then move on to the next one, he says it started out as just an ego game for him, make hime feel wanted and needed. he started out as having no intentions of meeting any of them, just play mind games with them. One of the things that really fired me up is that he used photos of the car he bought for me (a porsche boxter) as a way to impress these women...MY CAR!!!!! I am an interioe designer and many photos of high end homes saved on my laptop for visual reference for clients, he used some of them as tools to impress as well trying to say they were his home. he would neglect our home and tasks we were working on together to spend his time online chatting, and if I ever said anything about him spending too much time online he said it was homework or he was online trading, to give me all the finer things in life....well what he did not realize is time with him was the "finer thigs in life" that I wanted. He usally works nights and I work days so we rarely had time to be in our bed at the same time.....the weekend before the bomb he had time off (weekends off are rare also) He told me for days how he was loking forward to being able to snuggle up with me at night, BUT that weekend he NEVER came to bed...I tried waking him form the sofa, with him just biting at me to leave him alone....one night he even went upatairs and fell alseep in our daughters room watching a movie with the kids....again biting at me when I asked him to come to bed. I feel it was a way to distance himself even more form me to prepare for his meeting of the Ow that he was planning....and that really fires me up!!!! How do I keep this anger from eating away at me.....I do not want it to consume me and make me hate him.......right now I am a long way form hating him...think at times it would be easier if I did hate him...maybe then it would not hurt so much.:(
M 35 H 44 D 21,D 18,D 17, D 15, D 13, D 11, D 10, S 9 BOMB DROPPED 7/16/07 STILL TOGETHER, TRYING TO WORK IT OUT H ENDED A WITH Ow 7/15/07
There are similarities to what you describe of your H and other addictions. Not trying to scare you just similarity. Smoking typically starts with "I'll just try it." or " I didn't think I would like it." etc... Here is an atricle about the release of natural chemicals (endorphines) that are typical with any type of addiction.
I think a phone call to one of the DB coaches would be a fantastic idea. I've done it myself and it really helps to here the opinion of a professional. Kind of like an interior design consultation, only this interior is within you.
I agree with MnSPD. I love my DB C. Her name is Jodi, but I have heard that all of them are good. She just helps me put everything in perspective.
I too believe that your H maybe addicted. My H has a similar addiction. He has done the same thing that your H has done, only it was in person and it has only been emotional. No physical. He finally admitted during one of our conversations exactly what you said "he would get them to fall for him then move on to the next one, he says it started it out as just an ego game for him, make him feel wanted and needed." The problem is that is like a drug. At least your H stopped the A. Mine got in to deep with this one and admits that he is addicted to her and is having trouble breaking it off.
The only thing that helped me was to ask questions about the OW. While it hurt, I did find out that my imagination worked overtime. I still don't know everything, but I sometimes think I know too much, as I read months of e-mails between them.
You have a lot going for your M. This can be a huge turning point for the both of you. You can grow and have an even better marriage. That is what I'm hoping for you and for me.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
this is reece girls husband, I have destroyed the love and trust of the woman who has made my loive so wonderful with a stupid addiction to a system of conquering woman for entertainment, until one day it went to far and I had sexual affar with one of my victims. It hurts me most to see the pain in her eyes or the pain when making love to her and she thinks I am thinking of them. But I am always thinking of her, even on that day she was on my mind, Icalled her, hoping her words would turn me around? Ido not blame her, and I love seeing her smiles and joys of her career satisfaction I have encouraged and pursuaded from the beginning. I also love when the smiles and that I am the reason for that smile. I try every day to let her know how special she is and that she is my world. the only thing I can say to those in my shoes is that, turning all thst energy and time it takes arranging an sneaking around,is better tofocus it inward toward communicating and just sharing and expressing how you feel to each other. I hope to rebuild her trust and be with her till the end. I would not use this a good reason, but our marriage has opened more with communication and openess. So take care and appreciate the ones you love......
M 35 H 44 D 21,D 18,D 17, D 15, D 13, D 11, D 10, S 9 BOMB DROPPED 7/16/07 STILL TOGETHER, TRYING TO WORK IT OUT H ENDED A WITH Ow 7/15/07
Thanks for posting! I'm glad you have stepped up and are making a true effort to correct your actions from the past. I encourage you to scour the web for resources in regard to infidelity and affairs. You face a long and winding path to return the trust of your W. I also strongly suggest individual and joint counseling. Make every attempt to find someone specilizing in infidelity. There are many resources on the web for telephone counseling.
From my personal experience, I do not know how to describe the depth and range of emotions an affair can have. The scars run deep and the healing takes time. The effort you put forth will define your true character. This effort is best presented with actions, not words. Let your W see how much she means to you and let her see your true remorse. Keep visiting and keep posting, I'm sure you have insight to share and we will respond in kind.
