Haven't posted in a long time. Things have been good for me. Had a great time in Denver, meeting all the DBers who showed up for the weekend get-together. Good peeps.
Thought I'd post tonight, as I am feeling like I've reached a different/new place for the moment. I know it's not going to sound so new or diff, but it feels like it to me.... I don't choose to re-live anything in the past and I have come a long way after all these years.
To catch up... I have pretty much felt over my H and my C told me the last time I saw him that he did NOT see in me someone in love with or missing him. I figured I just need to get onto divorcing him.
Today I spent my day taking practice exams online preparing for my state exam to get my real estate\ license. It was perfect weather, so I was out in the backyard with my dogs and my laptop.
Since I got home on Monday, I have been missing my H. I thought it'd pass, as I was tired from the weekend. Today, the thoughts and memories were intense although I felt strong and in a good place. Tonight, I came back from picking/eating blueberries and blackberries with my doggies to a text message from my H that made me break down into tears.
He had called last week (Thursday and Saturday), just to hear my voice... I didn't talk to him. I did get back to him though, and was friendly... told him I hoped he was doing okay. He texted back (Monday) and said he was doing ok. Yesterday, I texted him about being short on money. Kinda hated going to him about it, but decided to... and had told him I hoped it wouldn't be long before he'd be free of this financial responsibility and that I'd try to borrow whatever he couldn't come up with. He was getting back to me about that and said...
Quote:
Dang. I cant get money in until tomorrow. I will call u. Hope u take my call. I miss u guys so much! I love u.
It's likely he has borrowed money from his deferred compensation if he has this money to deposit, which wouldn't be so good. But, it's pretty nice that he is trying so hard here AND being so nice. It wasn't so long ago that he would've been a complete jerk to me about this. Don't quite know how I should feel about this.... if I should be skeptical.
Don't know if he is cycling and/or trying to manipulate me so that he can drag this out and not have to go through with D yet, simply because of finances. He has a friend he works with who I believe did just that, and he could be trying to hide money in the meantime.
My gut/heart say not. I have once again been feeling hopeful. That is a little scary... but not so much, since I am so much stronger than I have been in a long time... maybe ever. I don't know. Not sure how to take this, or handle it.
He often says he will call, but doesn't. Then out of the blue he will, and I won't feel like taking his call. It's nice to have warning. We'll see how it goes.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
