Plank/WAW, thread 2

[Heimlich]

Of course, this could all be wrong. Perhaps your W was just annoyed about the pressure and did not feel at all victimized. However, given her deep concern with it and frequent restatement of her feelings, this seems unlikely.

OT,

I've thought about what you've written a good bit, I think there's a combination of the two things. I truly believe that my W's predominent feeling is pressure and not liking it and feeling like an object, which I have validated to her. I think she has made herself feel like a victim to an extent, that I don't think she's articulated this to herself (it's not the way she really thinks) and really feels like I did this to her. Partly, I think, so that she can blame me for the D. Sadly, I think the fundamental disconnect that began this was pretty simple. I wasn't meeting her expectations of doing enough around the house. Over time, she withdrew sexually. As she withdrew sexually, I became emotionally disconnected from her. As I became emotionally disconnected from her, vice versa. It was a downward spiral. We did intermittantly interupt this slide because there was a lot of love between us. But really, and sadly, it's a cliche -- I didn't really understand what she needed and she didn't really understand what I needed. Had kids. Stopped talking. Emotionally detached. Here I am.

Dis and SD,
Thanks guys. Trust me, no R talk. We talked a little bit about splitting assets and child care/sharing tonight in preparation for tomorrow, but we don't have any fundamental disagreements. We're both perfectly happy to shuffle our work schedules to help the other, switch off weekends, share the costs for them, etc.

Feeling a lot disappointed. I just know in my bones that we could have a great life together. Not getting that chance really does hurt. The devil on my left shoulder though says that there are some lovely ladies in my dance class and that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Sigh, I'd just rather be happy with the one I already caught.

BD