W called this morning around 8:30 am and left a vm at my office. She offered to have the kids at MIL's house (with W too) for a sleepover Thursday night if I needed help since I am so busy at work. I think I will pass, unless I get super swamped. I decided not to call her back for a bit. Part of my new I am moving on bit. Plus, I may not know for sure until tomorrow if I need coverage Thursday night.
Around 7 pm W called my cell as I was driving with the kids to dinner (and with my parents). She called three times from her work number, and I let it go to vm each time. I think she must have been checking at home and at my office between the three tries. W then followed-up with an email asking me to call her on her cell (so she must have been getting ready to leave work). I assumed W was just calling to talk to the kids, and since I was driving and the kids were watching a movie, I let all the calls go to vm. At the restaurant, I called W's cell (she answered but said she was still at work), and she said I was just calling to talk the kids. So, I said "Yep, here you go," and handed the phone right over to D4. As I was ordering, D4 and then S7 talked to their mother. S7 gave the phone to me afterwards and W and I chatted briefly. Friendly, but not particularly enthusiastic. I mean, the call was fine, but I was pretty much all business and I didn't promote any additional small talk. W, however, asked me if I was doing ok with work, if I was getting any sleep, and if I had gotten her vm about a sleepover. I said work was fine, not much sleep but I am fine, and yes I got the vm, but that I had forgotten to call her back. I said I thought I would be fine tomorrow night so I wouldn't need the sleepover, but I would let her know tomorrow if things changed. I am not sure if I thanked her, but I would guess (and hope) I did. I was trying to sound detached, and it was honest because I really wasn't looking to have much convo with her. But I hope I didn't come off as angry or curt. I'm not sure. It's a fine line between detached/moved on and cold, I think, and it doesn't come easy to me. I believe the detachment is coming honestly to me, so that should help.
Shortly thereafter D4 and S7 started telling me about a reading test S7 had to take today at his school in prep for 1st grade (which starts in about two weeks). This was news to me. Slightly perturbed that W hadn't told me about this, I sent an email reply to her earlier email asking "Did S7 have something at school today with his new teacher?" Before W responded, S7 also told me our nanny took him and that she had signed S7 up for transportation (but he wants to ride the bus instaed), and also that today was "meet the teacher" day. Now I am irritated. I have been the one that has had the vast majority of contact with his teachers in the past, and at a minimum I want to know about events like this so I can have the option of going if my work permits. I placed a call to W's cell, no answer but left a vm. (She generally doesn't answer if she is driving as her cell is frequently in her briefcase and not reachable.) I called her work just in case, but no answer. A little later I get an email back from her: "A reading evaluation - I thought I told you about it. I apologize if I didn't. There was a letter in your mail pile. [Which was still at the house as I haven't been there in a week.] I don't know anything other than that Nanny took him at 10 to have it (there's been a sticky about it on the desk for about a week). I'm sure she'll fill us in. It was just to see where his reading level is so as to not use class time to do it. All of her students did it." Almost immediately she called me and said I just sent you an email, did you read it? I said yes. She said "But I also got your vm, so I thought I would call." I told her I was frustrated and asked if it was "meet the teacher" day, and she said no. I also have to admit, she was very apologetic. She explained again what was in her email. W apologized several times and my tone retruned to normal and I said "ok, thanks." That was about it. We ended the call fine, but she knew I had been upset. I do appreciate her effort to clear it up. I still would have liked to have known, but it's no biggie at all.
Later that night, after dropping the kids off with my parents and heading back to work to get some stuff done, it really started to hit me how my R with my kids is going to change, no matter how much I do and how hard I try to be in their lives (and I will do the very best I can at this). It will be materially less than it can be and should be. It really bummed me out. I don't blame myself, and I have tried my hardest and done my best to save my M, and I will continue to do so. But, noentheless, the truth is my R with my kids will suffer, and so we will too. It stinks. (It also made me think back to when W said in our original joint therapy that she was unhappy for 2, 3, 4, 6, no 8 years! If she was so unhappy so long, then why did she bring these two precious kids into the world (presumably knowing things might not work out)? Unbelievably selfish or stupid or something. Ok, mini-vent. Back to work.)
That's all.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
