That make perfect sense and it would be nice if your H actually took it to him mind when he reads this...because obviously he has a treacherous heart lingering in him...
Lov you all thanks girls, this is my safe haven, you all help me so much --BI hon! missed you babe, thanks for holding my hand, again.. I did look for you and realize you didnt' have a thread, and realized you prob were taking a break.
Missing 2 days of work has put me behind schedule, so I can't post like I'd really want to, but your care and prayers for me are very moving and lift my soul, thanks dear friends.
We had a good counceling session, he's changing his phone number and not going to the big trip he planned, for the time being I asked him to sleep in our spare room until I can process things a bit more.
As horrible as this event was there is this new sence of hope I have. For the past year and a half I have been carrying it all, the weight of my marriage, working for his love, expecting affection like a lost child. I see now that that was no way to live. He admited he wasn't really trying as he should've. So despite this heartbreak something good might happen, neither of us was really happy. I lifted my hands to the Lord and gave Him this burden and my soul is weightless now, He's healed me.
My H has a long way to go to begin being the husband he's supposed to be, I'll never settle for less again.
He's going to the beach still, and at the begining I was totally against it, but yesterday during C the councelor asked him "is this how you want to make your W feel better?" and he actually asked me if it would help if he'd stayed. I thought about it, and I realized that we both needed some distance and that I didn't want him to be spacing out with the kids, so I said he could go.
The weird thing is, he's actually asking to sleep with me, he promised he "wouldn't do anything" (ok, 1,000 could've been said to that thinking of our paltry old SL, me wanting him him "too tired") I said I'll think about it. I think he needs time to see where he's put himself in our R, I truly am not doing it to punish him, mostly I feel still queezy because of the things I learned. So perhaps instead of the 2-3mths space of time I had come up with I might make it 2-3weeks. I am changing my mind mostly because I'm healing at the speed of light not becuase he asked me to.
I will thread lightly and this time around he'll put have to put his back into it for me to be able to begin to feel safe again.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
If he is willing to work on the marriage, you could really speed the healing process up by doing a Retrouvaille weekend. See the website, http://www.retrouvaille.org for locations and dates.
It is a wonderful way to spend an entire weekend focusing on your communication and feelings. What you learn there will help you for the rest of your life.
As horrible as this event was there is this new sence of hope I have. For the past year and a half I have been carrying it all, the weight of my marriage, working for his love, expecting affection like a lost child. I see now that that was no way to live. He admited he wasn't really trying as he should've. So despite this heartbreak something good might happen, neither of us was really happy. I lifted my hands to the Lord and gave Him this burden and my soul is weightless now, He's healed me.
Wow, cat, this just how I have been feeling. I am starting to wonder if he will ever think I am worthy of his love.
well, apparently I spoke too soon, H is still jerking me around. Last night we'd talk about taking a vacation before the end of the summer, all sort of misc talk. TOday I decided to ask him, since he never did say "I will cut all contact with op" rather it was me during C who said he'd had to do that (stupid me, that very same hr earlier on the C told me HE , H, had to have said that , NOT me. I txt him at 4pm today if he had told her he'd be cutting contact, if he was still txting her and when would he change phone # like he agreed to do, (we had talked about that 2x, eah time he'd act clueless, I told him to just call the carrier and that'd be it. And, that I could not take one more lie from him.
What was his responce? first, a txt abuot something silly we had talked about the night before, the second one only read "when would (carrier) they let me do it, would it take long?" and that was it!!!! no reference AT ALL about the op contact
What kind of moron does he think i am??? acting like he has no idea what's going on??? my reply was short, told him carrier would do it when he'd tell them too, and that he was avoiding my question. That was at 5pm. It is now 10pm and no word of him.
My patience is paper thin by now, unless he has a good explanation as of why he didn't answer or tells me he did it already (and yes, i will ask to see his phone) I will tell him to stay out, I dont' want him in this house, I won't live in constant hearache because he doesn't have the balls to be man and fight for his family.
That's it folks, my rant of the day, I've given my all, it's all in his hands now, and as much as it might hurt me, I will turn around and never EVER look back.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, I'm so sorry that it's come to this, but that is where I am at as well as far as where my boundary ends. I had to decide and also let H know that if he does cheat again, it's over. I will not allow it to happen again. I will not allow him to disrespect me again. He's already cheated 3 or 4 times.
I think it finally comes to a point where we have to say "enough is enough" and they have to KNOW FOR A FACT that they can lose us, that we won't stick around forever waiting for them to figure it out.
Also, I think in each individual sitch and each individual WAS, it's always different on what may or does bring them back to reality and what makes them wake up to what they are doing to themselves and their families.
I hope your H wakes up sooner than later. Sometimes though tough love is what ends up needing to happen.
Thinking about you!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
So glad you're taking care of yourself and setting some boundaries with your H.