Being nice and loving someone enough to let them go and telling them you want them to be happy (even if you HATE them for the moment... and believe me the fury and anger I had toward my husband was HUGE!!!), is not the same as accepting what they are doing. You can still support someone, even if you think they are making a mistake.
Actually I have already told him this, in the very beginning. I know what I said the other day via text to him about the fact that I can not accept the fact that he has moved on is counter productive to that, but I felt like I needed to set a boundary. I was beginning to feel like he could expose his OW to me, and basically rub it in and that I would just be ok with it, just like if he had brought a new pet into the house. Maybe I was wrong, but honestly the way he has been acting in the last few days makes me think that he really only saw it as that. Me setting my boundaries. Maybe I am wrong, but at this point, I am not going to go back and tell him I hope he is happy, etc because right now I can not do that truthfully. I can see he is not happy, I can see that he is confused, but for now I will just continue to be his friend. I have decided that I just need to show him with my actions that I am his best friend, that I will support him, no matter how stupid I think it is, and that I am working on me. I think he is seeing this, but again I could be wrong?
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
And tell me, what seems stronger... A woman who is calm, working towards making herself and her life better in spite of a lot of negative stuff, or an angry bitter one telling her husband how much he's hurting everyone and what he's doing is so bad?
You are very right and this is what I am working on. I am showing him that I am calm, and working on myself. I did have a slip with the texts the other day, but at this point I am going to accept it as a slip and move forward with my plan. I am feeling more calm, and more sure of myself. I have less feeling down and pittiful times, and actually starting to feel a bit of my self confidence coming back.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Make sure you tell him you want him HAPPY and you are sooo glad he's happy with her.... even though, you might kind of slide in a comment about how most people's true happiness is ultimately with their family. Stress the FAMILY word in light happy conversations. How you love your little family. You might kind of mention how it's a little sad he's not really part of it anymore. But you feel so good about having your children and your family is most important to you... and you wish him the very best. And you KNOW he's happier now and that makes you happy!!! If you can kind of slip these little things in (happiness and family) in a clever and joking manner while supporting him you are cleverly planting seeds of doubt (think reverse psychology). But be very careful you do this in a very small way, otherwise it will look like manipulation.
This is a good idea, and I will see if I can work this in somehow over the next week or so. I will be seeing him again tomorrow, and possibly Friday because of the kids.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Now, buddy... you need to go out and get a life!!! (Friends male and female, but no actual one on one dating with men... always keep in mind you are too vulnerable. But H doesn't need to know about your personal life. Let him wonder!!!!).
Yes I am doing that. I have been going out, not telling him where, with who, just out. I am going to join the gym on Friday and start working out again. i have started to get back into the things I used to love to do. Photo albums, scrapbooking, decorating the house (right now the house is full of unfinished projects, half painted walls, etc), and dancing.
