amy- i don't post much anymore, but i do keep up with your situation. i really do feel for you; except for me being alone and you're not (which makes it so much easier for me) i'm in the same boat you are--penniless.
I work 6 days a week with a couple 12 hr days waitressing at 3.95/hr pls tips (avg about $20/day) to pay a $1700/month budget??? let me tell you, it aint happening. i spent $10 on food this week, and tonight was a meat night-a sausage with my veggies, and the coffee is getting very diluted. its like being in college.
all this to say, somehow, the bills do get paid...each night i put my tip money in the budget envelopes, and then it goes into the bank. somehow, it seems to add up to just enough for the current bill-never the next one, tho. i call it my manna money.
i started making jewelry from all the broken glass i find in this neighborhood, and those who see it love it. its selling-and the money comes in a little at a time. i have my first solo art show, and a piece sold the first week. the money won't come until the show comes down in sept. what i'm getting at, is the money trickles in as my faith grows. its been hard to adjust to, as security to me was enough money in the bank for the bills ahead of time.
I'm reading the most wonderful books by John Eldredge (sacred romance, captivating, wild at heart, etc) that give a larger view of life and our importance in it-i recommend that everyone should check them out. they are helping me gain my perspective and are healing my heart-even from hurts that i never realized were there but explain so much of what i was feeling...God is setting my heart free. i even told my husband i honored him for having the strength to tell me he wanted a divorce knowing i adored him and that this would devastate me...he can't even fire a band member for fear of hurting his feelings, so how he ever got the nerve to tell me...??? (yes, the OW, that's beside the point). i also told him i set him free; if he needed to get the divorce to be OK, then go ahead. I still don't agree with it or want it, but I'll be ok. i truly believe we will be together again one day. but i also know we needed this time apart to heal, to grow, and to become the persons that God intended us to be. God wants to set me free but He wants to help my husband, too and i need to give Him time and room to work.
So, what am i saying? hang in there. check out these books-i got them from the public library. trust God to have your back--He knows when your bills are due. As COG used to say (in so many words) let your h go...focus on yourself, release your needs, your wants, your expectations. stop worrying about the nuances of your interactions with your h; focus on your own life. let God heal your heart. make your goals, and trust Him to steer your boat--once you've cast off the pier. love, jacqm
