Nomopo's Sitch - Patience, Patience, Patience

[Nomopo]

Thanks for stopping by and the support dlt1, and for the update GD.

Still, how many times are you going to tell that story on the boards? A lot more I hope. And I didn't see the table until you pointed them out once we were out the door. Anyway, I still want A, since I am the LBF (and she apparently is walking away from me too. )

Helloooo Slowly!!!!

We met downstairs, I was in very casual clothes (jeans; white t-shirt), which she asked about, because I was heading to airport in just a few hours for the Orlando DB trip. W didn't seem to remember my trip though I was sure I had told her a few weeks ago. I offered that I was going to Orlando to hang with some friends. She didn't push for any more details

Just because she did not say anything, don't imagine it was not significant. This is the second time in two months you have been away for the weekend with 'friends'. Her silence could be just internal processing. Trust me, she noticed, and it had an impact. Though you may only get to hear about it in a few weeks' or months' time.

Sounds reasonable.

She did offer that Saturday W went to a recruiting event with her Firm and then for some shopping. (Guess I fretted for no reason.) She also said she knows nothing, that she and W don't talk, that the previous weekend W was in a bad way when she had to get out of town, but that now W was better.

I know there is no direct evidence of this, but W must be going through a really tough time deciding where to go next with her life. The most painful thing to watch is a spouse grieve for the end of an affair. I have no idea if that is what is happening, but it seems like that time in this cycle. First she has to decide that she really wants to let the fantasy go, then she has to adjust to a void in her day/week/future. Unfortunately this is a path she has to take herself. The dbing you have been doing has brought her to this point, but the next steps are hers. You can only continue doing what has been working.

Well, I believe W may be struggling at times, and may be confused (and she is certainly lost in a lot of ways even if she doesn't know it), but I don't think I will get my hopes up that she is grieving the loss of the A. Could be, but no evidence or even logic to suggest that is happening (yet). And, in fact, if she doesn't think I am going anywhere, why would she end that on her own. All of a sudden she woke and decided that cutting that off was the right thing to do. Seems unlikely. It seems more likely that she would keep her options open as long as she cans, to to see what happens, and what she wants to do. This is why my new strategy (thanks Sunny) may gently force the issue.

I started a slightly new approach (intended to plant a seed that I might be "moving on") tonight. It felt good to me. And W seemed to notice something was different, but probably isn't sure what it is. My guess is she thinks I may be mad, or angry, or upset in some way, but she isn't sure because I was perfectly friendly. She was pretty friendly too BTW. Basically, I paid little attention to her, but lots to the kids, the TVs in the restaurant, and the other patrons/wait staff (including some cute chickadees). I think she noticed something was different and was curious what it was. Can't say it will be positive or negative, but if I keep it up I will monitor results.

If ever I need a lawyer, I'm going to call you I like this strategy. While you have many things that are working, it does seem like time to try something new and different.

Yeah, it seems like a good plan. Still working out the wrinkles and making sure I have my hands around what I am doing. I will keep you posted.

And it probably reflects your state of mind too, you don't seem to be in the mood to pander. This too by the way, will pass. Part of this ride is the swings in emotions we ourselves go through

Oh, yes, I know. That's why I am taking my time, thinking on it. Don't want to act on emotion. Want to be clear headed.

The only other suggestion I have is to look at your new approach in light of your (updated) goals. Without them as anchors, it will be easy to feel adrift.

Excellent idea. Need to finish updating goals anyway. Hopefully in the next week I can finish both of these things.

Thanks, as always, Slowly.

Nomo