All that said, I think I could make a pretty good case for a sex life that was nothing more than mutual MB being a Very Good Thing. I'll have to think about that. Meantime, consider how one's sex life might unfold if neither partner needed validation from it. My vision of that is pretty awesome; yours may differ.
This makes me think of a scene I once encountered in a novel in which a man and woman just face each other naked, not touching themselves or each other, and the first one to orgasm is the "loser." I've actually been thinking about the concept of "no validation sex" lately and trying to figure out how that would be different from "stranger in the elevator" sex. I was wondering what I would ask the "stranger" for sexually if I felt free to ask for absolutely anything that I wanted. I don't know what this says about me but I decided that what I would really most want to say to the stranger would be "Surprise me." Clearly, I am not easy to please - lol.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Or clearly you are easy to please that you are "silently" seeing what it is the stranger likes and leeting him take the lead because you know you can get there IF you want From the little I have read about you, I think you would rather BE the stranger? Just a guess, I don't know you
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)
I don't know what this says about me but I decided that what I would really most want to say to the stranger would be "Surprise me." Clearly, I am not easy to please - lol.
So... what if you said... "Okay, surprise me," and he, in all seriousness, said... "BOO!!" And then he left, thinking, 'gee, what a great opportunity to have sex with a stranger, and all she wanted me to do was 'surprise' her.
That means I can have awesome sex with my H 2 times a week and MB 2 times a week. It also means that I do not have to go around whining that he's not up for it 2 more times a week.
I think you can MB 2 times a week if you find for yourself the right toy. Seriously, the are NOT created equal. I've tried quite a few myself... you need to experiment...
GGB: Yup my initial reaction was Ah sh!t, I got Corri ticked at me, and while I was looking forward to said workshop (and not sure if it was for real or not), life got in the way.
Quote:
Chrome: if you are serious about a workshop and not just making a point, I'll be happy to join in. I know I don't have the greatest track-record of responsiveness (re: our QM discussions), but I'll do my best.
What was the motivating factor for both of you saying what you said, that I highlighted in bold, above? Seriously.
Both of you are pressed for time, have gone so far to express that... yet, you both have stated a willingness to add even more to your plate... because:
a) It is something you really want to do, and you'll make it fit, for you are that motivated;
or
b) You are somehow feeling bad/guilty for me, you are mildly interested, and to keep me 'happy' on some level, you will try to participate, extending yourself beyond an already full plate.
From the little I have read about you, I think you would rather BE the stranger? Just a guess, I don't know you
Hmmm...you might be right, but if I wanted to BE the stranger, I might be seeking validation. It's all quite confusing.
Quote:
So... what if you said... "Okay, surprise me," and he, in all seriousness, said... "BOO!!" And then he left, thinking, 'gee, what a great opportunity to have sex with a stranger, and all she wanted me to do was 'surprise' her.
Okay, how 'bout if I said "Do me like I ain't ever been done before, stranger-man." Of course, the problem is how's the stranger supposed to know how I ain't been done before? Unfortunate fantasy paradox.
Anyway, the fact that I am thinking of NG as my lover rather than my BF means that I do feel free to ask for whatever I want sexually. One thing I was thinking was that I might HAVE to tie him down in order to take advantage of him sexually because he keeps flipping me. It's like if there's a mountain in your backyard, sooner or later you're going to HAVE to climb it whether you WANT to or not. Or, I suppose I could pretend like I have the sexual soul of a demure princess rather than that of Dennis the Menace but, obviously, that would be an exercise in validation seeking.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Would it be OK for awhile just a short while ... to stop the analyzing and just enjoy the sex?
LOL- It's not really analyzing, it's more like anticipating. Like leafing through a cookbook before you prepare and eat a meal. I rarely cook by the recipe but I like to read cookbooks and talk about cooking with other people because then in the midst of whipping up a spontaneous batch of whatever I will have the sudden inspiration to do something new and different that might be better. Proust-like recollection of sensual experiences is good for me too. "More, more, more! said the baby."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You have to understand that part of the enjoyment MoJo gets out of life is looking at it from every single, possible angle. It has nothing to do with her ability to enjoy hot monkey sex when it happens.
Seriously, the are NOT created equal. I've tried quite a few myself... you need to experiment...