Well, this topic has been dormant for almost two years, but the subject and chapter of the book it discusses really hits home for me.
In my sitch, my wife is married to the internet. All of her friends are there and are just an instant message away. The problem with this-- and I speak from a position of authority on this because this describes me at one point in my life-- is that the guys on the other end of the instant message window are USUALLY lacking in their own self-esteem, lonely, unmotivated, unambitious, self-serving psychic vampires who latch on to anyone they perceive as giving them positive attention. Extra points if the person giving the attention is female (or assumed to be).
They're in a mental place where their reality has become the virtual world they plop themselves in front of them, since their interrelations with people is based on a form of toleplaying. The internet is the great equalizer. No one is rich, poor, fat, skinny, ugly, pretty, handicapped, etc. So, with that freedom, the internet gives even the lowliest of creatures walking upright and with opposable thumbs a clean slate on which they can design their own reality.
So take the case of a WAW who has a whole list of online buddies-- some of whom she's had EAs with already. She's going to use someone as a sounding board, telling all about her woes. Of course, the soul-sucking leech on the other end is going to validate her EVERY WORD and say whatever he can to try to endear her to him more. It's sick in that he's taking her vulnerable position and leveraging it to his advantage. It becomes a feedback loop. She gets to sound off, and he gets to feel all tingly from some girl paying attention to her.
What really pisses me off about this is that the guy on the other end makes these delusional statements that the W doesn't refute, no matter how terribly wrong they are. I'll give an example. This is one I've seen a LOT. "He just doesn't understand you like I do."
What!? So the guy who knows in intimate detail what makes his wife tick; who has shared the most intimate parts of his life with her and received the same in return; who knows her fears, joys, favorite color, food, movie, song; who through formerly open communication has an understanding of where she came from as far as the family she grew up with goes; who physically holds tight to her her when she's crying, or does the same when the love is flowing; who (and this is the biggie, all things considered) PHYSICALLY made love to her and shared that closeness that only making love can provide...
So this guy knows less about his own wife than some greasy shirt wearing 40 year old basement dwelling virgin whose only meaningful relationship ever was a scarily Oedipus-like bond he shared with his mother?
This, folks, is why you should take EXTREME notice of your spouse when they start visiting chatrooms. I'm not sure what I was wanting to get across here. Just maybe sharing things I've found in my experience, and hopefully it can be of use to someone.
Take care! -Jon
My current sitch. Feedback and opinions greatly appreciated!
