Well here I am....

[COG]

KS,

Cog - can you stop by my thread and update me on what happened with your sitch? Would you have reconciled if you had been divorced? Did you see any chance of hope? Thanks.

I can't really predict if we would have reconciled if we had D. My feeling is that if we had D, it would have been after five or six years of trying to work it out, with no progress. I don't think we would have D, if either one of us was'nt at least 98% sure about it.

I can recall at least two couples that I know personally that D and then they remarried. Both say the second go around was much better.

It sounds a lot like your H was'nt completely sure about D. I don't know the details about your sitch so it's hard for me to comment on it. But, W dropped the bomb on me in October of 2000. She loved me but was not IL with me. We separated about a year and a half later, and lived separated for FOUR years. There was a period of about four years where my W had no hope for our M. She'd barely hug me, and could'nt return a "I love you too". At one point she'd made up her mind to D, and "her heart was at peace with it".

It was a long process to live through, but we turned things around. It takes a long time for a heart to change, for a person to change. Six months, 12 months, 24 months, that's just a sneeze. Our transition was five years in the making. I'd do it all again if I had to, no regrets.

Here's what I know:
1) Miracles really do happen, and they happen to average people like us.
2) It takes the courage to wrestle a wild animal, the strength to persevere an ice storm, and the kind of faith that moves mountains.
3) Humility reigns, freedom carries, and persistence ultimately conquers.
4) Fear, anxiety, disbelief, negative attitude, neediness, selfishness, jealousy, resentment, expectations, will drag you down like lead pants.
5) The word CAN'T, should only apply to rules one follows, NOT as a killer of one's hopes, and dreams. That word should be stricken from any reference relating to your potential to change your life, your M, your anything.
6) Quit is not an option as long as my S was not abusive, or cheating.

I realize I was blessed with a woman that had morals, a concience, and truly cared about our kids. I honestly think that we'd not stayed together if it were not for the kids. Neither of us dated, or had affairs that I know of while we were separated. She was a WAW, but she hung in there a VERY long time when all she really wanted was to run.

You are D now, and that's what you are. So live in the moment. Be strong, be healthy, and love all the people the Lord brings into your life. Forgive your H, let go, and move on with your life. Get YOURSELF, YOUR life in order. There's nothing to say that two people can't remarry after the D. Nothing at all. So if that's what you want, if that's your goal, then get to work!

God Bless,

COG