Seriously, thanks for your insight. All of what I wrote has been bubbling up for a few days. I realized what sparked the anger -- your use of the words 'rape' and 'molestation' when 'unappreciated advances' would have done. Those are strong words to throw around. Yes, they were geared toward what my W may have been thinking (though she has given me no indication that was the case). There is a world of difference between my W's current perception that she was eternally rolling over at my pesky advances to shut me up/stop me from whining and either 'rape' or 'molestation.' And, yes, as in most marriages, there were times when she 'did me a favor.' Were there times when she gave in when she REALLY didn't want to. Yes, and I wish, now, that I had been strong/wise enough to stop. However, she also said yes quite often and seemingly enjoyed herself. My issue is what NH hit on and what you mentioned, her setting of boundaries, and placing the blame entirely on me in her mind. I know that I can't say anything about that to her, though I did a little yesterday, if my goal is to win her back (it is). It is just so infuriating to hear. I'm letting it out much more strongly here than I have with her.
Saving/Stew, thanks for taking the comment in the spirit it was intended. Dirty-minded DBers, unite!
GD, love ya, babe. You are my current inspiration for patience. I'll take any love I can get today.
Best to all,
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
