Just don't be like me and try to convince your H that you feel it's a different world. I've somewhat desperately (OK, desperately) tried to communicate that I feel different inside to my W. It ain't working.
I'm taking this from Heimlich to tie into the asking for a status report.
"What do you think of me now, huh, huh, huh?" translation= I'm desperate.
Attraction scale= -1,000
It shouts out, "I'm afraid to let you think your own thoughts that may be different than mine, & I desperately need you to reassure me"
A healthy R is one where the inner experience is that "being close & being separate are both equally safe & gratifying. Both are acceptable, all the time, and there is no conflict between them that requires resolution."
Quote:
"you have yet to see something good coming out of asking for a "status report".
I haven't.
A couple of hours ago, I was taking the kids somewhere & saw the OM/EA driving toward me. My stomach did a loop when I saw how he looked...... stricken & defeated. Did I have the desire to get in touch w/him. No. Do I feel guilty & emphasize w/him. Yes. My very own reminder of the dynamics of LBS & WAS. He called a couple of days ago & said, "You've gone on & on about what you feel & now it's my turn. After all, that's what a R is all about." Talked on & on about how I was not fulfilling his needs as far as listening to what he's looking for, etc. I couldn't wait to get off the phone.
I gather that this is what our WAS's think as well.
It's only when I distance (lovingly), that my H has any interest at all in me.
He's just not attracted to a weak, needy, women who crowds him.
Since I've starting really detaching & learning my own d*mn lessons, there appears to be some movement towards me again. When he's done this before, I somehow forgot what the goal was & proceeded to undo the positive. Big penalty.
I have to be willing to lose the R to get a new one back. Who knows where I'll land. I do know where, if I don't let it go.
Hi L-thought that would resonate, since you have a three legger also
When I read your post Still, I was eating hummus/blueberries & crackers Poor you, I didn't get the message re;the cut off time for being too late to call until after the call I sure don't want to add to getting in the way of a LBS getting some sleep. Sorry!
Poor you, I didn't get the message re;the cut off time for being too late to call until after the call 
