Again, your reply is all about you. Forget about being RIGHT. This is about how W FELT. This is about validating her feelings. It sounds like from her position, your sexual advances were as unwelcome and gross as one's coming from a boss. That is her experience. If she told you it was OK, she was probably lying to either protect you or to protect herself.
If this is correct and she had sex with you under such conditions, she probably FELT a lot like a victim of rape, molestation, or at the very least bad-somewhat-coerced-sex. FORGET how justified you believe you were in your actions. Focus on what she is sharing with you and focus on understanding HER experience. Acknowledge that it was wrong for her to have ever been in that position. Make it all about empathy and understanding for her. Just forget your own interests for a moment and make it about HER. If it makes you ill to imagine her feeling that way, then imagine how much worse it would actually be to be the one feeling that way. Imagine what it would be like not to really be heard each time you express those feelings.
To be honest, your light-hearted triangle comment turned my stomach on W's behalf. I have little doubt that she continues to feel sexual pressure and sexual interest from you even though she has tried to convey how painful that is to her.
Try to stop your defenses from preventing you from hearing things. Here is another exercise. Print out all your posts for the last month. Go through them with two highlighters. Count all the times you say something that amounts to "Yes, BUT," then count all the times you said "Yes" without being defensive. A "BUT" negates the "yes."
