Thanks, cat, I will get that book, never heard of it, maybe it will help.
He usually tries to schedule court days with his work schedule, but he works ten hr days. I would love for him to want to do a project with me, and when he works in the yard, I find an excuse to go out and help him wherever he will let me. He did ask me about some home improvements we will need, and they are do-it-yourself projects, so who knows? Of course, he also mentioned if we decide to sell one day, we should do certain things to maximize our profit.
I think things have been this way sexually with him since the EA began. We've been married going on 24 yrs, and I have been pregnant twice, once with our son, and one baby that I lost at five months.
About him being a cop for so long, he would come home and tell me the times when he went on a homicide call, or an accident, and I would always listen to him and we would talk all the time, whenever he wanted to, but for some reason, over the years, he started acting as though when I wanted to talk to him, it wasn't really important, and he would go to the doorway, and begin backing away, and looking at his watch. Then he would get angry if I said something about him not valuing what I had to say. Then in a while he would come back and say so do you want to do it tonight? he didn't realize that I needed him to value me all day, not just before he wanted sex. He could be mean and nasty to me in the morning, and say something hateful before he went to work, never apologize to me, and then that night when I didn't want to have sex, he would rant about it, and make things worse. so, sometimes, alot of times, I would give in so he would stop being so mad at me. But to this day, he doesn't believe he had a hand in this. To him, it is minor stuff, compared with the major stuff of me turning him down for sex, and being mean or angry with him. He says what I did was abuse, but what he did was just what I deserved, because of how he was done over the years.
Sometimes I think he is going to need more than meds for high blood pressure, maybe some AD's,but he refuses to even consider them. He likes to say he sometimes feels I have mental problems, but he is so much worse, at least I will go to counseling for my problems relating to our sitch.
He can be nice to me when he chooses, and even got me to go to his dr. appt with him last time, and took me to lunch after, so he knows he can bear to be alone with me, and we can talk on safe subjects, and sometimes he will make reference to our problems, which I find uncomfortable, because he will say something I don't know how to take. I need to try to remember a good example to put on here, but he will sometimes say something about women, like trying to gauge my reaction.
Oh, well, time to go pick up the kiddo from school.
