Nomopo's Sitch - Patience, Patience, Patience

[slowly]

Hi Nomo - It is heartbreaking to hear about S7's meltdown I'm afraid I lose rational thought when kids and animals are concerned.

We met downstairs, I was in very casual clothes (jeans; white t-shirt), which she asked about, because I was heading to airport in just a few hours for the Orlando DB trip. W didn't seem to remember my trip though I was sure I had told her a few weeks ago. I offered that I was going to Orlando to hang with some friends. She didn't push for any more details

Just because she did not say anything, don't imagine it was not significant. This is the second time in two months you have been away for the weekend with 'friends'. Her silence could be just internal processing. Trust me, she noticed, and it had an impact. Though you may only get to hear about it in a few weeks' or months' time.

She did offer that Saturday W went to a recruiting event with her Firm and then for some shopping. (Guess I fretted for no reason.) She also said she knows nothing, that she and W don't talk, that the previous weekend W was in a bad way when she had to get out of town, but that now W was better.

I know there is no direct evidence of this, but W must be going through a really tough time deciding where to go next with her life. The most painful thing to watch is a spouse grieve for the end of an affair. I have no idea if that is what is happening, but it seems like that time in this cycle. First she has to decide that she really wants to let the fantasy go, then she has to adjust to a void in her day/week/future. Unfortunately this is a path she has to take herself. The dbing you have been doing has brought her to this point, but the next steps are hers. You can only continue doing what has been working.

I started a slightly new approach (intended to plant a seed that I might be "moving on") tonight. It felt good to me. And W seemed to notice something was different, but probably isn't sure what it is. My guess is she thinks I may be mad, or angry, or upset in some way, but she isn't sure because I was perfectly friendly. She was pretty friendly too BTW. Basically, I paid little attention to her, but lots to the kids, the TVs in the restaurant, and the other patrons/wait staff (including some cute chickadees). I think she noticed something was different and was curious what it was. Can't say it will be positive or negative, but if I keep it up I will monitor results.

If ever I need a lawyer, I'm going to call you I like this strategy. While you have many things that are working, it does seem like time to try something new and different. And it probably reflects your state of mind too, you don't seem to be in the mood to pander. This too by the way, will pass. Part of this ride is the swings in emotions we ourselves go through Except us women have an additional 4-week boost to this cycle

The only other suggestion I have is to look at your new approach in light of your (updated) goals. Without them as anchors, it will be easy to feel adrift.

Slowly