Trying to set those goals!

[Dom R]

Dom, I feel horrible for "arguing" with you

dont be silly.. I dont claim to be always right... and besides which, i'm not always clear, either your "arguing" is just "discussing", and that's neccessary to make sure we understand each other properly....

What kind of boundaries can I possibly set on someone that doesn't live with me and wants to consider us completely and totally separated?

carefull.. thinking about setting boundaries "on someone" can lead to attempts to control someone. i think you are still in that mindset, slightly.
Boundaries, i think, are suposed to be,
"If you do not treat me with respect [in this area], i will then change something about ME, to protect myself"
with that in mind...

Aren't I, in effect, basically *showing* him that I will always be there if I let him see me? Regardless of what I say?

The "boundary" in question, is him not dating other people. He hasnt crossed it yet, so going just by the boundaries issue... you have no cause to stop seeing him.
You do need to make clear, though, that if he crosses that boundary, you will then protect yourself by enforcing it. by "not being part of a harem".

I am now not letting him even give me a kiss on the lips.

Note that this is a different boundary. this is a "I'm not easy: you have to treat me nicely, aka 'date' me, to receive physical affection from me" boundary.

How else can I stand up for myself?

I think sticking to the one you have about physical affection, and making clear about the other one, are the two biggies.

As for the other stuff.. he's playing mind games with himself. Possibly he knows he wants to date other people, but he just doesnt want to admit it fully yet, until you two are "fully separated/broken up". As soon as you are, that facade will drop and he'll go out trying to date, i would guess.

So... you have a choice of strategies, that I can see, as mentioned before:

1. "open the door", let him go, dont even try to "stop" him dating, let him wallow in it, and hope he decides to come back to you after screwing around

2. "entice him back"; make yourself available to him, and attractive to him. Maybe you shouldnt be totally turned-off on him. maybe a real kiss or two every now and again. Holding affection over his head directly as basically a forceful twist-your-arm tactic, isnt attractive. "take me out or you get nothing" works for happily married couples with a strong relationship. but in your situation, probably a bit more subtlety would help.
You need to entice him to date you, not bargain him into it.

Maybe a bit of a flirt now and again... to encourage him to ask you out.

again.. dating time. How would you encourage a guy to ask you out? and keep his interest in you, rather than looking elsewhere becuase you're an ice cube?

Maybe it's time to turn up the heat a bit. wear some sexy stuff that you know drives him nuts, and drop (not so) subtle hints like, "oh my, its been so long since i've [gone and seen/eaten at....] I kinda miss that place".
If he suggests "why dont you go", say it's no fun to go there alone.. etc.



go find a flirting coach. i suck at it