Trudging up hill

[ediemarie]

Have Faith and Sara - thanks for the kick in the pants. You are right, I do have a lot more going in my favor than not. He is kind, loving, caring, generous, seemingly making efforts to please - BUT he has always been that way - even in the midst of his affair. He really does lead 2 lives. One at home and one with her. He says he is the same exact way with both of us (except he has sex with her and hasn't touched me sexually in 18 months). And this behavior really isn't anything new as he has lived his whole life split between two homes (his Mom's and his grandmother's - he was basically raised by both of them). Having two separate lives is normal for him. So I guess I'm conflicted because I really can't tell by his actions towards me how things are with OW. For all I know he's still communicating with her.

Which leads me to him quitting his job.

I know that it is drastic for me to suggest he quit. I would be open to other alternatives, i.e. a transfer to another job within the district, but he won't even entertain that conversation with his principal. Additionally, for the last 12 months he has agreed to not return to that school. He himself has said that our marriage cannot work if he continues to work with her. It is very close to September and finding another teaching job is next to impossible (divine intervention necessary) and he may just have to substitute until something does become available. Believe me, I would prefer that it not have come to this, but given his track record of leading this double life in which he is basically the "model" husband at home (minus the sex) I don't know what else to do...can you guys see something that I can't here?

In the past I would have pressured and yelled and complained and made a big stink about him quitting. I haven't mentioned it at all since the first day he has come back. I haven't mentioned Retrouvaille since I made the call and told him that he also needed to call. I'm just trying to be patient and see if he takes the intiative to do it on his own. But not talking about it is driving me nuts!

Ok - I am off to make my list of "to-do's" and see if I can cross off one or two today.

Thanks for reading and posting!