Thanks for the encouragement, but don't paint me a better woman yet. I still have a long way to go to earn the faith my husband has put in me.
We still talked (usually civilly) because we had a two-year-old son. (We also have a three-month-old boy now too!), but it was strained. We tried to play it off as friends for awhile, we tried for awhile to be cool and distant, we ran the gammit of standoff positions really.
Nothing, including OM was off limits as a topic. My husband wanted to stay fully informed so he could better judge my position and plan his moves accordingly. Heaven help the strategist who goes up against that man!
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
BTW, no surprise that nobody has berated you, especially on this website. For the most part, we are committed, dedicated, loyal, and forgiving spouses who have been dealt a hand they do not deserve. We have endured way too much pain, and we are way above dishing out angry, caustic speech to a person who has walked in our spouse's shoes.
Once again, thanks for the support and assistance you are providing.
So, my ex-OM called me tonight at the exact last moment I expected or wanted him to (usually he sneaks in phone calls at work during the day so his new GF doesn't find out). I guess he has a night job doing security and he called me literally whining that he was bored. I had just dealt with a waterbed disaster (shudder ) that involved a rug shampooer, every towel in my house, and about six hours of my life. Needless to say I was unimpressed when he asked if I would come see him. Honestly!!! I actually got kind of nasty. I told him sarcastically he should take off from work and come help me clean up my mess if he really wanted to see me. Guess what, he said NO (big surprise, right?). I then told him to get a life and I wasn't going to drop everything and come cure his boredom...E-V-E-R again! It just showed me again how selfish he can be and how empty his "love" was.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
I think I echo everyones comments here when I say thank you for the insight. Often we try to understand why the OP is happening and how to change that sitch.
I have the utmost respect for your H and it sounds like to OP needs to 'get a life'.
My sitch is that the W is still in contact with OM, but not seen him since May. Still living together, going to counselling and sharing the same bed, so by actions I will work at showing her that reality and the grass is still green.
BTW if anyone does berate you, me and the boys will come round to visit
prodigalwife, I have come to the last hour of my marriage and would appreciate any help you can give me. Our court date is in two weeks. Can you please check out my thread. I just received an email from H this morning. I would appreciate if you could help me figure out what he might be thinking. I've accepte that he has to figure this out for himself...he's got two weeks. Thank you.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
prodigalwife - When you had your "wake up" was it a complete reversal or did you realize what you wanted and gradually come to grips with it.
The reason I ask is that a month ago, my WAW called and asked me to go with her to counseling. A week later she got home from a 2 week trip and told me she had realized that she wanted to work on us and be around more for the kids. (she travels quite a bit for work) She even discussed the idea of quitting her job and finding something local. Well since then things have been getting better, and I can see some of her efforts, but she has yet to make a C appointment, I haven't seen any effort on the job front. As a matter of fact she seems to be sliding right back into her normal travel routine, and I discovered that she is still in touch with OM by phone, text, etc. I don't know if she has physically seen him since she started "wanting to work on us" but I can't be sure since I stopped keeping track.
I'm not sure what approach to take, if I should push (hasn't worked before) or begin following my gut which is telling me to just quit. (I don't want to, but I'm really getting tired of this)
So, my ex-OM called me tonight at the exact last moment I expected or wanted him to (usually he sneaks in phone calls at work during the day so his new GF doesn't find out). I guess he has a night job doing security and he called me literally whining that he was bored. I had just dealt with a waterbed disaster (shudder ) that involved a rug shampooer, every towel in my house, and about six hours of my life. Needless to say I was unimpressed when he asked if I would come see him. Honestly!!! I actually got kind of nasty. I told him sarcastically he should take off from work and come help me clean up my mess if he really wanted to see me. Guess what, he said NO (big surprise, right?). I then told him to get a life and I wasn't going to drop everything and come cure his boredom...E-V-E-R again! It just showed me again how selfish he can be and how empty his "love" was.
Prodicalwife...
I don't believe in your mind that your done with this OM. Your still somewhat a WAW IMHO.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Hopeless, I am so sorry. I just want to give you a hug. I read your thread, and I was just floored. Of course we all know that some of our situations end in divorce, but I just hurt for you. Except for saying that I will be here to support you through this time, I don't know how to help. I hate not being able to help. This isn't where you wanted to be and it's not fair because you've tried so hard to do it right and have him come home. All you can do now is focus on healing yourself. Know that this was NOT your fault, but a flaw in him. Try every day to be the woman you want to be. He's losing the best thing that ever happened to him, and your husband is a fool.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
No one can tell you when the fight for your wife is no longer worth it except you. I know it gets old (hell, my husband told me he was sick of it plenty of times), but it's up to you whether holding out is worth the suffering.
I had a fairly rude and sudden awakening. And when I finally hit bottom, it just occured to me what I stood to lose. The recovery and return to my husband was far from fast or easy, though. We still fought, battled mistrust. He got really unhappy whenever I got e-mails from ANY guy because he didn't know if I was reverting to my old habits. I got sick of constantly begging him to talk to me, to open up. It's really hard to work through all of the knots I put in place. But it really can be done.
A big thing was that I was very honest with my husband about how I still felt about my OM. Just because I chose to end the PA didn't mean I could shut off the emotions as easily. They had to die their own natural death. To that end my husband never asked me not to talk to OM, or even not to see him. But I promised never to do either without his full knowledge. It helped a lot. And as I said, the emotions died in the light of reality. Every time OM talked to me I felt less until now I quite happily tell him to go to hell. After his obnoxious call last night I think I can finally ignore his calls altogether without feeling any guilt.
Unless your wife obviously goes back to the OM, it really is over for her. She's just working through the aftermath. Remember, the affair seemed just as real as your marriage at one time, and there is some grieving she has to do for that relationship, even if it was based in fantasy.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
Thanks for being here. It's nice to see thought the eyes of our Spouses. You are like the recovered alcoholic giving talks and helping us understand the disease. You are a strong person to be brave enough to come here and risk being chastised for what you have done in the past.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I still have a long way to go to earn the faith my husband has put in me.
) that involved a rug shampooer, every towel in my house, and about six hours of my life. Needless to say I was unimpressed when he asked if I would come see him. Honestly!!! 
I actually got kind of nasty. I told him sarcastically he should take off from work and come help me clean up my mess if he really wanted to see me. Guess what, he said NO (big surprise, right?). I then told him to get a life and I wasn't going to drop everything and come cure his boredom...E-V-E-R again! It just showed me again how selfish he can be and how empty his "love" was.
I read your thread, and I was just floored. Of course we all know that some of our situations end in divorce, but I just hurt for you. Except for saying that I will be here to support you through this time, I don't know how to help. I hate not being able to help. This isn't where you wanted to be and it's not fair because you've tried so hard to do it right and have him come home. All you can do now is focus on healing yourself. Know that this was NOT your fault, but a flaw in him. Try every day to be the woman you want to be. He's losing the best thing that ever happened to him, and your husband is a fool.